The one with God, Religion & Humanity

The evolution of one's belief is primarily through what one has been taught, learnt and experienced over time. If you are one of those who has very strong beliefs on Religion, God or any related topics are are the easily offended, then you probably won't enjoy this post.


*my blog, my rules*

Religion is a very strange topic. People love to fight over religion using "God's" shoulder to fire from. It is rather ironical that the religions that we see today, have nothing to do with the virtue's and purposes that it was meant to eschew, or that's about as much credit as I would give it.

The one with Internet, Rickshaw Economics and Bangalore

Hello! And welcome back to your favorite weekly commentary on the most inane things that go on in my life. You may have missed the last 2 posts, but that’s because the last two posts are yet to materialise and yours truly has been gallivanting about Bangalore and the other town I call home. Technically, I’m still at home, but this time around I have mobile – internet connectivity, a cause for celebration in itself. Hence, I’m posting this blog post from my home – the first time ever, and probably the first ever from this town even.

Cue - Collective cheer and applause.

I am bit disappointed though that the charm of saying that oh-my-village-so-rural is gone now, what with 24 hour electricity (Ha Ha Ha Bangalore!) and network connectivity (Ha Ha Ha Bangalore Airtel users!), but yay for development! (Ha Ha Ha Bangalore roads!)

And of course, while we travel there is always scope for an interesting story. Sometimes I feel like I’m a complication story magnet, what with Taxi drivers and Auto drivers giving me regular fodder for thought. And Bangalore did not disappoint. 

Driver has Mobile - TV enabled on his Rickshaw. Welcome to Bangalore, people. 

My Auto driver (in Bangalore they are called 'Auto’s' unlike 'Rickshaw’s' in Mumbai) had a very interesting analogy to describe why the Bangalore Metro’s completion would still not solve the burgeoning traffic problem disaster. I shall try my best to give you the same flavour as he did in Kannada.

The one with the Good, the Bad and the Birthday

Look at poor old me not even wanting to eat cake but being forced to. 

I'd like to take a minute and thank you for being here and reading this. And I'm talking to all the thousands* of my weekly readers because you make my keyboard go clickety clack every Sunday evening. So Thank you.

*All 10 email subscribers, after 8 years of writing and all the beer I bribed you guys with

*Not you R, you've not even activated your email yet. You're a good for nothing, sneaky little rat. Nevamind. 

Break Free

Have you ever felt
A weight so heavy
that you can't lift your head
your hands want to bury deep
into your pockets,
At your sides
worried

Have you ever felt
the hooks of the past
buried so deep in your back
the more you pull forward
it claws you, hurts
and you just want to give in
tired

Have you ever felt
the urge to throw everything
to break, destroy anything
after being broken yourself
for so long
restless

Have you ever felt
to just scream your lungs out
to listen, to do,
what your heart cries for
without a care?
wanting

Have you ever felt
chasing after a dream
a need, a desire
but left disappointed
unable to understand
helpless

Then its time,

It's time you felt
the sun shine a warmth
through the eyes
who see you admirably,
for who you are
Believe

It's time you felt
those arms reaching out to you
Calling, embracing
drawing you close
Holding you tight
Trust

It's time you felt
those smiles and cheers
smother all your fears
picking up those pieces
to keep you together
Strong

It's time you felt
the little song in your heart
tunes and beats
that only you can hear
when you see
who's with you
Together

It's time you felt
that you are not alone
let go of what was
to let in what can be
Love is beautiful
possible

Break Free.


M

When Amazon & Flipkart could not fix what Gillette had done.

It was near midnight and my eyes had starting going red. I spend a lot of time looking at screens but this was an all new experience. As I switched from browser to browser and site to site, a eerie emptiness started to fill my insides. I was good at this, yet what I was desperately looking for was eluding me. Amazon, Flipkart and every other known site in the world that sold toothpicks to SUV's had been searched through with every possible keyword, and yet as the clock ticked on, minute by minute the desperation was just getting higher and higher.

The clock struck 1 am, and a bead of sweat trickled down my forehead. The whirring of the rented AC played chords to the rapid typing on the keyboard and the click of the mouse. With each scroll of the mouse, my misery worsened.

*tick tock tick tock tick tock*

Would I ever find....

The one with Cobras and Royal Enfield

There were actually three things I wanted to jot down today. But I realised that setting the standard with three sub topics every Sunday may not be the most easiest thing to stick to. It also happens that the third topic I had in mind is capable of being a complete post in itself (in an exaggerated, nonsensical kind of way).

You may also interpret this as "he's running out of topics already and relying on last minute improvs."

So yes. What were we talking about? Ah, Cobra's. Also known illogically by these welcome gestures:

Hissss! (International version)
Dusss (Indian)

To start off, let me relay this conversation that just happened with Dad a few hours ago:

"You at home?"
"Yup."
"Didn't you go out anywhere today?"
"Nope"
"Dinner?"
"Done"
"So what else is going on"
"It's the end of Sunday dad, there can't be anything happening here. You tell me what's happening there!"
"Ah well, we had a special visitor today. Guess who?"
"Umm. Just tell me"
"A Cobra"
"Ah. I see."

Who we are

I've seen castles made of sand
Met people who believe destiny is engraved
on the palm of their hands
I've seen people who changed their faith
Sometimes we even get to see Love turn to hate
I've seen people grow younger with age
And a bird who wouldn't fly out of an open cage
I've seen love sold for money
And people devastated inside, yet outside they're funny
I've seen a Unicorn fall in love with a toad
People who owned the city, are now on the road
I've learnt to expect the unexpected
Perfection is unreal, we're all dented
Everyone cries, some hide their tears
Doesn't coal turn to Diamond, a thousand years?
For some, you are one in a million
To others, you remain a nobody in a billion
So live life with all that you have
Cherish everything, happy or sad
Feel Blessed, Erase those memories, those scar's
Life is too short, so try not to forget
Who you truly are.





Cheers
M

The one with Gulf War, Hostel & Betty

Everyone has been raving about the movie Airlift. And for good reason. Despite my best intentions I haven't been able to get myself into a cinema hall to watch the movie, even though this whole week has been about travelling cinema, workwise. Anyway, of late the standard of cinema is so bad that you could make a movie about Pani Puri and that would have a better story line. Of course you put SRK - Kajol in it and that would be a 400 crore grossing flop.

What exactly is a flop? 

The One with MPD, Slimming & Sandhya Mridul

Welcome to another edition of Just Emkaying. You are just in time for the the third successive post on a Sunday evening, that too, at approximately the same time. That half of the people who I expect to read this do not exist, is a different matter.

But if you are performing, then why not perform expecting the President, eh?


I am currently running about a week or so behind the actual calendar dates. So if you have already heard some parts of this post in person, do keep reading. I exaggerate very well for comic effect when I write. Additionally I want to talk a little bit about Multi Personality Disorder that came up twice this week!

Gasp! MPD? Is our Born in Bahrain - Grew up in Bangalore - working in Mumbai hero alright?

The one with lots of beaches, seafood & Leo

My equation with the rest of the Universe is like a Calvin and Hobbes comic strip. The Universe plays the role of Calvin and Hobbes, and I'm the strip on which they get drawn. Nonetheless the results are quite noteworthy and fun.

Me: I don't want to travel anywhere this month

Universe: Nope. You're going

Me: But I don't want to

Universe: Nuh uh. You're going. 

Me: WTF. You Suck. 

The one with Wazir, Chess & Khwaja Bhai

What an eventful week! If you asked me last Saturday how the next week would be, I'd probably go "Meh". But yesterday, I was exploring bikes to buy, rides to take, and reactivated all my Travel group pages on Facebook. It's been a long time since I rode a bike, an unexplainable rush when you run down open roads with the wind in your hair (in my case, skull), the sun shining down and glorious nature in all its splendor.

More on the travel story in a follow up post. I miss my Unicorn. Wish I had got it to Mumbai. 

Bye Bye 2015

The writing of a post at the end of the year has been a tradition ever since the the inception of this blog. Am not sure if it still remains a blog or if it's more of a random musing kind of thing. Nonetheless, I feel this immense weight on my shoulders to write after ignoring this site for a good many months.

I am a vivid dreamer, both night and day. Some of you may know my tales which I might mumble over a conversation with the right audience, but largely on a one on one basis. While most of my college life it was very limited to random dreams of snakes (and I have no fear of snakes to be honest) of more recent it has been very strange movie themed dreams that often include people who've been on my mind. I've been on war style attacks on random mushroom shaped homes, and I've been one romantic liaisons with people who never even featured on my list when am awake. To clarify, I don't have a list.

Why you no marrying Beta? 3 years later.

One of the questions I get most often, and many of you who know me on first punch abuse name basis do ask me this - "When are you getting married?" This ranks as the second most popular question I have ever got asked, just a few marks below the more judgmental "Why are you not getting married?" & "What's wrong with you?"

Let me just clear the air for all of you who have similar questions: I don't like the question.

3 years ago, I had to put down my first official conversation on this subject. "Why you no marrying Beta?". This was a testament to how every single guy has to face this question the moment he earns his first salary.

"Welcome to XYZ Corp. As your boss I will introduce you to everyone & the facilities. And here's your advance salary to tide you over for the first 2 weeks. Oh and by the way, your mom wants to talk to you."

5 things that don't happen when you turn 30

It's happened.

On Feb 14 this year I turned 30. I think that's like 50% of my life given I'd be grateful to live normally till 60, unless they create a mechanism that lets people live on even though their physical bodies have died. This is under the assumption that politicians still function even though their brains and hearts are dead before they reach the parliament, broadly speaking - same prinicple.

That being said, let me break the following myths.

1. 30 rocks!

No, 30 doesn't rock. If anything you are confused between acting "your age" and "being young at heart" whatever that means. I am still working, still doing the same things on weekends, etc. I still have to beg auto rickshaws for a ride, and the bus conductor still makes a face for change. Beer costs the same, and there's less of rock in rock music than ever.

NOTHING. CHANGES.

2. You can do whatever you want in life

Only Deepak Chopra can do whatever he wants in life. The rest need to smoke up.

LIKE SERIOUSLY.

3. You are financially free 

Whoever wrote this up has either never worked through 30, or lies for a living.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...'lend me some money cough'

4. You learn that you don't always get what you want

5. It's time for you to settle down

WTF does that mean? Is it like "ooh am thirty, my landing gear is coming out, lets land"

In parting.

Cheers
M

Quiet.

Its quiet.
Its been so for many days
I now have 25 minutes
to put silence
into phrase
how much has changed
I can't really say
and another day will pass
as I struggle to tell you
what I did yesterday
like a boat at anchor
with nowhere to go
waiting for a mission
a captain, a wave, a voice
a simple hello
I have now 20 minutes
to write
of years of patience
and silent nights
of waiting for the sun to set
and then to rise
to just go on
now i wonder at it all
why
the sense of feeling
is gone
slipping into blank things
that aren't really there
my sight is failing
my hope is waning
I've 15 minutes more
i've already wandered
twice
such is my belief now
weary are my fingers
my heart and eyes
flitter
the warmth is replaced
an acknowledgement perhaps
of inevitability
like a law of sorts
that it just won't work
oh how slow this clock tick tocks
I still have 5 minutes
Sigh
so easy it was to bare
Oh so much had I to share
now in walls and shells
of simple luxury, cursed with
a  heart's empty hell
it is done
and as the clock strikes
it is again,
quiet.

The Fitness Mafia and Melissa

Did you know? 9 out of 10 visitors to this site would have at some point of time considered joining a gym or fitness center to get into better shape.The best part of this whole better shape feeling, is that better shape is subjective, just like Black money is dependent on which side of the Parliament you sit on.

Thin guys want to get bulky, bulky guys want to get sharp, Sharp guys want to get sharper with 6 pack abs, and so on and so forth (or basically Christian Bale in different stages of his acting career). That means, you could walk up to anyone and tell them "Hey, you should hit the gym" and they will ALWAYS agree, because their ideal shape is one that they currently aren't or probably too unrealistic.

I don't know if he knows it, but Christian Bale has a fabulous parallel career option as a Fitness Trainer.

January - Resolution breaking time!!!

Hello readers and welcome to a brand new edition of  "Writing because its almost the end of the first month of the year and I haven't written anything and I must at least keep my resolution of writing regularly for a month before breaking them"

When I met Mahendra Singh Dhoni

One of the advantages of being a minion in a Daaru company (or Alco-Beverage as the HR guys pitch) is that alcohol is very easy to come by. In the sense that while you work at the multiple events they have, you stand & watch as the alcohol comes and goes by, while you wonder if the lights are working properly, if the promoters are selling instead of drinking, and if you'll ever get to suavely slide a drink down to the chicks at the party while no one is looking.

Or rather when everyone is looking and there are spotlights on you.

The other advantage is that you get to meet with Mahendra Singh Dhoni.

An Open Letter to all Open Letterers

Dear open letterer, and open letter Fanboi's,

A long long long time ago, in a faraway galaxy (Goregaon East, probably) one girl dared to write the world's first open letter on the internet. Before the rise of common sense of this age, it came as a shock to many that a girl would dare and venture to do something as brash as voice her opinion, and that too about a boy. 

*collective gasp*  

However, and you may not know this, but I consider "An open letter to a Delhi Boy" and its subsequent replies to be one of the most interesting moments of internet literature that I have ever read. The outrage, counter letters, postcards and general talk has been a revelation into how jobless and racist people really are. If only the letter had some sprinkles of saffron in it, or claimed that we had actually landed in the moon a long time ago circa Ramayana, it might as well have become a contender for a nationalist letter of sorts in the current government. 

Anyways, 3 years hence, the internet is abuzz with thousands of open letters today:

An open letter to my Dhobi. 

An open letter to the rickshaw driver who did not agree to drop me to Chakala.

An open letter to the Prime minister about my neighbor who makes fried dry fish on Sunday noon that stinks so bad that you should ask them to build our next generation of toxic chemical weaponry. 

Any person who is any person worth his QWERTY Keyboard + Facebook post has written an open letter, each letter vying for its share of the social media glory. I mean who wouldn't want to value their human lives in likes and shares?

It is therefore not surprising that YOU, dear open letterer would obviously resort to an open letter as a means of revolt and general displeasure to anything ranging from poor water supply to Ramdev Baba's soft porn yoga moves. It's a different thing that you do not see the need to do anything about it yourself, and find it apt to put it out there on the internet to see who would take the bait.

*Open Letter to my maid who forgot to put the garbage out.*

These mass open letterers are the same people who would not think twice while giving up their Facebook id and password to watch a non existent video titled "OH MY GOD YOU WONT BELIEVE A GIANT SHARK EATS A NAKED LADY IN MID AIR ". Post which the aforementioned site proceeds to spam all of your friends with ads for Kent RO Water Purifier (The one where Hema Malini just repeats the same thing for years and mind fucks the water into purifying itself) or expensive iphone 6 card boxes from Snapdeal.com 

I mean seriously, open letters? Did you ever even write an actual one on paper? The good old way of taking time to pen down your thoughts, and not the verbal deluge of bullshit that it has become today? 

But enough is enough. 

*drum roll*

As the self appointed representative of  the people of Mumbai (or the allied states of Andheri, Malad, Ghatkopar and the union territories of Bandra & Colaba) I, in my innate wisdom have decided that this open letter has to be written to ban all open letters. Enough is enough. For long have we suffered the pain of poor language in the guise of a rant. For long have we had to watch idiots write open letters to random people like Obama to help a leopard in Sanjay Gandhi National park. 

*You think he is bloody zookeeper of America or wat?*

I demand that henceforth , you will stop this open letter nonsense, and instead re word your titles to more appropriate headings, like "Man I really need to crib about these people" or "Why the hell do I get pimples on date night" and "How to promote a movie by raising controversy" etc. I also hope that you will encourage your immediate fellows to do the same, and to refrain from using the hideous "Open Letter".

If you fail to do so...

Cheers

M

The Great Mumbai Traffic Show

My last post was in August. Its not that I felt bored or got a life, but it was all about a lot of false starts. Pretty much like this "Acche din aayenge" philosophy that's been doing the rounds of late. My draft folder is filled with many such false starts, which I have been really struggling on. After twitter, I think its getting impossible to keep my mind to one continuous train of thou...Oooh Butterfly!!!