ये कैसी मुश्किल आई है

ये कैसी मुश्किल  आई है
चैन से रो भी नहीं सकता
कैसे नींद आयेगी मुझे
यादें तुम्हारे रोक नहीं पाता

दील टूटा नहीं
संभल के रखा है
यह मेरी लिए नहीं
तेरे लिए धडकता है

ये कैसी मुश्किल आई है
ग़म मनाने का वक़्त नहीं
मेरी उदासी कहीं तुझे न लग जाये
इस ख्याल में हस्ता रेहता हूँ

माफ़ कर दे, गलती हम से हो गयी
क्या करें, पता ही नहीं चला
और जब पता चल गया
थो दिल चुप न रेह सखा

ये कैसी मुश्किल आई है
तेरी आहट से दिन बनती है
और तेरी परछाई से श्याम
जब थू ही नहीं, थो क्या दिन, और क्या श्याम

जानता हूँ की दिन दूर नहीं
की मेरी नज़र से नफरत हो जाएगी तुम्हे
एक नज़र से शुरू
और उसी से कथम

ये कैसी मुश्किल आई है
बीच बातों में तेरा नाम लेता हूँ
जी थो लूँगा तुम्हरे बिना
पर तेरे रुह से बंधा हूँ

ये कैसी मुश्किल आई है



(I had penned this down in 2014. It remained in my drafts for a long time, and make no mistake, I am no poet nor is my Hindi any good. But then again, it held meaning. I was rummaging through the drafts, and I thought - Why not? Grammar & Spelling corrections welcome :)

Break Free

Have you ever felt
A weight so heavy
that you can't lift your head
your hands want to bury deep
into your pockets,
At your sides
worried

Have you ever felt
the hooks of the past
buried so deep in your back
the more you pull forward
it claws you, hurts
and you just want to give in
tired

Have you ever felt
the urge to throw everything
to break, destroy anything
after being broken yourself
for so long
restless

Have you ever felt
to just scream your lungs out
to listen, to do,
what your heart cries for
without a care?
wanting

Have you ever felt
chasing after a dream
a need, a desire
but left disappointed
unable to understand
helpless

Then its time,

It's time you felt
the sun shine a warmth
through the eyes
who see you admirably,
for who you are
Believe

It's time you felt
those arms reaching out to you
Calling, embracing
drawing you close
Holding you tight
Trust

It's time you felt
those smiles and cheers
smother all your fears
picking up those pieces
to keep you together
Strong

It's time you felt
the little song in your heart
tunes and beats
that only you can hear
when you see
who's with you
Together

It's time you felt
that you are not alone
let go of what was
to let in what can be
Love is beautiful
possible

Break Free.


M

Who we are

I've seen castles made of sand
Met people who believe destiny is engraved
on the palm of their hands
I've seen people who changed their faith
Sometimes we even get to see Love turn to hate
I've seen people grow younger with age
And a bird who wouldn't fly out of an open cage
I've seen love sold for money
And people devastated inside, yet outside they're funny
I've seen a Unicorn fall in love with a toad
People who owned the city, are now on the road
I've learnt to expect the unexpected
Perfection is unreal, we're all dented
Everyone cries, some hide their tears
Doesn't coal turn to Diamond, a thousand years?
For some, you are one in a million
To others, you remain a nobody in a billion
So live life with all that you have
Cherish everything, happy or sad
Feel Blessed, Erase those memories, those scar's
Life is too short, so try not to forget
Who you truly are.





Cheers
M

Quiet.

Its quiet.
Its been so for many days
I now have 25 minutes
to put silence
into phrase
how much has changed
I can't really say
and another day will pass
as I struggle to tell you
what I did yesterday
like a boat at anchor
with nowhere to go
waiting for a mission
a captain, a wave, a voice
a simple hello
I have now 20 minutes
to write
of years of patience
and silent nights
of waiting for the sun to set
and then to rise
to just go on
now i wonder at it all
why
the sense of feeling
is gone
slipping into blank things
that aren't really there
my sight is failing
my hope is waning
I've 15 minutes more
i've already wandered
twice
such is my belief now
weary are my fingers
my heart and eyes
flitter
the warmth is replaced
an acknowledgement perhaps
of inevitability
like a law of sorts
that it just won't work
oh how slow this clock tick tocks
I still have 5 minutes
Sigh
so easy it was to bare
Oh so much had I to share
now in walls and shells
of simple luxury, cursed with
a  heart's empty hell
it is done
and as the clock strikes
it is again,
quiet.

My Tree of Life

Image Courtesy: www.osnatfineart.com/painting/5907-Tree-of-Life

It's been a while since I wrote. Writing to me is a way of expression, and my friends would know me to be an expressive person. Combined with the attention span of a kitten, and the enthusiasm of a jack in a box, I can be quite a challenge to any 5 year old.

If I look back at my posts over the last few years, I think I've written most when  my expression was constrained, bottled up in a pressure tight worldly container. In this period, I was under the misconception that I wrote to keep in touch with my creative side. I now realise that it was an escape for my soul that cried out for help, to get back to what came naturally to me - fun, happiness and goodness. The fact that I have not written for so long, in the above context is actually a good sign for me personally. 

Kingdom Come

Image Credits - Google

It's a lovely day for chocolate
All dark, bitter and free
The Sun is warm and perfect
The waves gently tickle my feet

Ham & Eggs on the table,
Before the sun gets all high
A never ending Caipiroska sweats
My Beer lets out a sigh

I walk through the French Windows
The curtains make way for the breeze
Sands disappear & sprawling lawns arise
Dogs look happy and fine

The early stars shine through the open roof
The Pool is quite comforting
Exit through the hidden waterfall
Into a Den, my play world

A new book, I muse over a phrase
Into the life size Aquarium, I gaze
The moon light peers in through the palms
Overseeing the cities crystal maze

The Custom-made shines bright black
Below the canopy of the Tree house
A Cabinet full of Muay Thai trophies
My Mind, it's a digital mouse

The Boys and Girls come over
Cheering for our good old Chelsea
The Party's just begun
And it's getting Guetta Crazy

Reality is limited to your imagination,
The kingdom is to your pocket
Mine however, is on her way
Till then...

It's a lovely day for chocolate

Listen to me

I longed for something
You gave me something else
Your lessons are too many
I keep losing my self

My faith is quivering
It\s hard to tell right now
Will I ever believe again
When the tears are running down

What more do you expect from me
There will be a time
When I'll turn away from you
And your steps I'll never climb

I hope this message you send
Is in time, my life to mend
Too tough, is what you are with me
With her, Is what I aked to be

What more do you want
An Oasis, in this bloody drought
And you give me these sensibilities
of which, nothing has come around

Am fed up with you,
You're pulling everyone away
What shall I do with these coins
You're throwing in my face

And yet I say Hi everyday
Honestly, Purely, no dismay
I asked for others, not myself
And yet, you persist
in keeping me out

I longed for something
You refuse this only want
What I have done to anger you so
Forgive me, let me out.


M

Bangalore and me

I going out tonight

Am leaving by a flight

To take a better job

In a city that is a mob 

To people that I knew

Leaving behind a few

And some that I'll keep

Memories that run too deep

I was running out of time

My heart was on a mine

Lets say its destiny

She's come by saving me

Lost some in 5 long years

Some Dues, Some Tears, Some Beers

I wear a lot of cheer

Inside its still not clear

All the jumps I've made

Did things that others forbade

I kept my trust in you

You've seen me smiling through

Of all the times we laughed

Kept going up the graph

And then there was the flame

Things have never been the same

You know that its my time

Any more and I'll lose my shine

You're sending me away

I'll fake these rainy days

The sand has run its course

Some sorrow, No remorse

Some stars have long been gone

And so shall I by morn

The moon will be just the same

We'll just have different names

The safety belt sign is on

Yet all I am is torn

Am leaving you for now

the Question is - of how

As I leave, am still debating

Is this a lesson?
Or am I to keep waiting.

M

Voices

They keep chattering
One after the other
Ideas and complaints
Some funny, some not so clever

Thoughts and Schemes
They let me dream
Pain and senseless banter
Control me, infuriate me

The less they know
The louder they get
Keep doing something
Else they keep going

All the time
Everywhere
One over the shoulder
One behind my ear

They can be friends
They can be Foes
Care to listen,
You can choose to choose

These Voices

M

(PS: Meditation helps, apparently)

Break it

Tear it, Break it
Throw it out of bounds
Liked it, Loved it,
It Took me down

The noise in my head
Images floating by
Stand by and watch
As things go away

Its blurring
Fading, Cracking
But we move on

Sometimes it ends
To start again
Others just walk over
Smiling through the pain

We still live
We still hope
Give In, Give all
Stop trying to Cope


M

Haunted

Empty Chair
Silent Phone
Missing Comment
Status
Dinner
Mindless Meeting
Empty Smokes
Bottles of Beer
Fries and Peanuts
Friends
And Enemies
Bosses
Marriage
Woes
Work and Excel
Shoes and Tops
Markets Traveled
Music and Bands
Meaningless Conversations
Flights
Cancelled & Missed
Cabs
Genuine Queries
Shopping
& Sharing
Seafood
Same Time
Same Thing
Private and Personal
Lunch Calls
Ride Home
Movies
TV Shows
And more
One to many
One too many
Life


All Haunted


M

The Plank Man

I sit on the plank
Feet Dangling in the air
Its eerily cold
And the sun is on its way down
Others have boarded
And the sails are torn

There's not much time
And I've had my say
But no one's listening
Should I turn away?
So many choices on the Ship
The plank is Creaking

With a torn Sail
Where will you go?
The sun is setting and its dark
Don't get Lost and broken,
Don't run ashore
Wait some time
And think some more

You're eager to sail
Its a stormy sea
That lies ahead
Its not the journey you should fear
Its the conviction
That it is what you want

Get a new sail, or sail in this
Chase a setting sun or the full moon
You're your own captain
There's no right or wrong
But ensure
That you'll never sail alone

The plank is creaking
The sun is gone
One end is ashore
One end is yours
Sail Away or come ashore
The plank is creaking,
Can't hold on anymore.

M

I'll say Hi

I won't walk up to give you a Hi
Doesn't mean I didn't see you from the corner of my eye
Smile I might, perhaps a little shy
But its not attitude, you've just got me a little high

Sooner or Later, we will meet
And at my nervous best, I shall be
I will mumble and fumble,but I will be true
I can't help it. Am stuck on to you

Once we talk, I'll make you laugh
Maybe we'll click, maybe not
But then I wouldn't be here, If  I wasn't sure
One look, and I'll know, were going to rock!!!

By now were close, hanging out
I'll think and think, there creeps a doubt
Maybe your thinking, wondering too
Is this the one, give me a clue

And here it comes the time to decide
you'll look at choices, you'll have the time
Hope against hope, you'll make up your mind
And keep it from me, you'll expect me to understand

So its happened before, its true I've gone numb
I don't bother asking, its been more than some
I've lost faith, I've made up my mind
There's nothing to do when things unwind

You'll keep acting, pretending its fine
Or maybe it was just me all the while
I won't be bitter, I won't cry
I'll wish you well, and hug you good bye

Another day, as time flies by
I'll even walk up to give you a Hi
Smile I might, perhaps a little coy
But its not for you, its for the lovely one by my side

M

Peace and Love

How long is long,

How long is right

When do you know,

To quit or to fight?

Feeling so tired,

Life isn't fair

But you know that already

Is it so bad to despair?

Its you vs them

Them vs someone else

That is where it ends

How much longer?

The trophy beckons
So much at stake
Yet each time, leaves me broken
Someone takes it away

I keep quitting, keep her at bay
No more aches, no more tries
When the time finally comes
I shall find, what deserves to be mine


M

From then till now

Started with a note, ended with a cry
And then all joined, make fun of the short guy

Then there was a painter, but had to cross the sea
That left innocent tears, and memories

Soon it was school, the nicknames just fade
Who really bothers, at that time and age

Then it got serious, a deal was made
A Stone reached out for the Sun, an outsider made hay

Blood was shed, none could be seen
The Sun ran away, life was mean

And then another and another, sense prevailed
Some were anchors, and others just derailed

And a voice was heard, and heard it remained
reasons unknown, it went as it came

A shoulder was given, an ear for a tear
Time healed a wound, and opened another near

A word was said, a cookie shared
But remained memorable moments, here and there

Before one ends the other starts,
And before it starts, it too ends.

And so it goes, and so it is said

From then till now,
A Heart lost to the head.

M

Age of Destruction

Its that age
The Age of Destruction

With The Bible of Enthusiasm
You're Baptised by fire
One Day you will reach the moon
Till then you won't tire

You're neither here
and you're neither there
The world's your playground
and your stuck in a snare

You beat your arms to reach higher
While you sink, Quicksand all over
One moment your good, great
The next your spent and late

You think you have time
But in reality you don't
You juggle too many things
Hoping to make it count

And then,You Can't wait
Can't rewind
So you start pushing
Your tagged, and left behind

You regret what you have done
And more what you haven't
"Make your own future"
Life catches up

One moment in love
The next, married to someone else
Under the burden of expectations
from others and yourself

Too young to ignore
Too old to be carefree
You learn to be responsible
And yet yearn to be free

The Road has been tough
For the less troden path
Its Frustating cos theres no light
At each lampost you pass by

And yet we will go
In search of redemption
Its the age
The Age of Destruction.

M

Doubt

I Don't think you're right
I Don't want you to be
I Don't care if you are
Cos your nothing to me

Just get out
Outta my head
Go someplace else
Bleed, Bleed, Bleed, till your dead

I can't think straight
With you seducing me
I can open my eyes
But I still can't see

Now I know you, hate you
See you for what you are
I shall fight you, beat you
A scar for a scar

Don't come back
Don't come close
Enough is Enough
In my head you shall lose

I know you're not right
I don't want you to be
I Don't care if you are,
You''ll never get through to me.


M

The Stone

Early in the morning 

Dry, Dusty and forlorn

It was just moments ago

When she left for another stone

The time is approaching, soon

She'll come slowly by,

A lovely cooling stream at first,

and then go gushing by

She drowns me in her self

Giggling, Playful and full of life

Before she takes another turn

And is gone without a sight

That is the way she goes

Bending and touching every stone

Giving love and life to a creature

not capable of loving in return

She will not wait for me

There are many that wait ahead

"What do you have to offer" - she says

"You are but just a stone"

And so I wait, For her return

It his her nature. to move along

A stone I am, I do not doubt

But one that glistens the most,

When shes around.

It is now Twilight

Dry, Dusty and forlorn

It was just moments ago

When she left for another stone

M
(Written some time in 2010, found it in my drafts!!!)

The Game of Love

Must we play these games, my love?
Where winning is more important than each other,
The cause for us is lost
Right here itself,
What fun will these games deliver?

Yes, its true, we're not the same
And surely you will find many that are
But then they're them, and I am me,
And I am the one that's different by far

Am not stupid, and neither are you
Then why the intent to show it so?
This should be a game, for us and them
And not between me and you

All I hear, is what your not saying
And its not a pleasant tune
Patience is a virtue, and I know
that it too will run out soon

So Don't throw the dice, Don't look at the score,
Life has a lot to offer.
Perhaps Today, Perhaps tomorrow,
But for sure, this game will make us suffer

The time's are a little, to play such games,
I hope its now, not never.
Lets make up, and build our world
Today, Tomorrow and Forever.


If at this, you still want to play this game
Then am no willing player
I'll take mine, and you take yours
And we'll walk on our roads in the sunset, I hope one last time together.

MaDdy :)

In Love

In love with your eyes

The way they swim in that smile

In Love with your hair

When they play hide and seek 

In Love with your walk

For no reason at all

In Love with your anger

It makes you look real

In Love when your not around

Cos your on my mind

In Love when your silent

The more to look forward to

In Love when your nonsensical

It reminds me of Life

In Love with everything, 

In Love with you, cos I realized

This nut needed a bolt, and yes, thats you

Cheers :)

MaDdY