The one with What scares you the most ?

A couple of weeks ago I was at Bangalore and found myself in the midst of a most unusual conversation. Most party conversations would include good natured leg pulling, gossip or something else of a more spirited nature, etc unless the first that came to your mind reading the word "party"was to do with any political one in which we case we can't be friends anymore.

Seriously, stop watching Times Now. 

The one with Cobras and Royal Enfield

There were actually three things I wanted to jot down today. But I realised that setting the standard with three sub topics every Sunday may not be the most easiest thing to stick to. It also happens that the third topic I had in mind is capable of being a complete post in itself (in an exaggerated, nonsensical kind of way).

You may also interpret this as "he's running out of topics already and relying on last minute improvs."

So yes. What were we talking about? Ah, Cobra's. Also known illogically by these welcome gestures:

Hissss! (International version)
Dusss (Indian)

To start off, let me relay this conversation that just happened with Dad a few hours ago:

"You at home?"
"Yup."
"Didn't you go out anywhere today?"
"Nope"
"Dinner?"
"Done"
"So what else is going on"
"It's the end of Sunday dad, there can't be anything happening here. You tell me what's happening there!"
"Ah well, we had a special visitor today. Guess who?"
"Umm. Just tell me"
"A Cobra"
"Ah. I see."

Why You No Marrying, Beta?

On one of my last conversations with mum, (who invariably has two topics on her mind all the time) the topic of debate was marriage. (So you know which topic was left - weight loss)

Sometimes I wonder if single men give off some kind of vibe that set's your parents biological clock to get you married ticking. 

So we were talking, or more she was persuading and I was batting like Raphael Nadal (Yes, batting) scrambling from one defense to the other, before she had me stumped with a blinder. 

"You have to get married next year, or there will be no girls left" 

I quickly did a one handed Google search - had the Mayans figured out the survival rate of eligible women after the EOW in 2012? And worse, had the reports reached mum before me?!! (Sacrilege on my self styled social media expert status, no?)

Mum doesn't try too hard. She just throws doubts in my way and just waits for a confirmation of some sorts. I bet if I so much as nod on this end of the phone, she'd figure it out and blow the bugle. And Tata Safari's of random aunties would pop out with Grandmothers-sisters-chachi's-betas-cousin's-husband's-doctor's-veterinary college professor's-brother's-dog's-mother's owner's best friend's daughter's hand for marriage.  

Mental Note to Self - Must find if there's a defense-against-the-mum-who's-trying-to-get-you-married-arts class near Versova. 

Anyways, coming to the topic, the things parent's say to convince you if you plan to get married or are refusing to get married are unbelievable. And the conviction they say it with...Uff!!!

Like, when I told my parents that I would let them know if I ever found someone I wanted to get married to, my Dad goes "I don't care who you marry, as long as she is from our community and she's a homely girl" 

Ah. I see some of you nodding heads. 

And this - "We need to get the word out and find a good girl for you, these day's their very hard to find."

Gee, how perceptive of you guys, thanks!!! I can stop random Friend requests and socializing now.

"If we start searching now, it will take a couple of years to find a match"

I can see that set of eligible profiles in your back pocket, Dad.

"You are getting older, people are asking about you. You have a great job and a good salary. What's your problem?"

So now your bullish on this commodity on the market that's...how do I say it, matured?

"Other guys your age are having kids and handling responsibilities while working!!! Why are you so stuck up about this?"

Responsibilities. I rest my case

"Just meet this girl. She's smart, educated, good looking and everything. Just your type"

Isn't Jessica Alba already married?

"What's wrong in just meeting her once?"

Righty!!! I am feeling mighty lucky today. Lottery anyone?

"What do we know about this girl friend of yours huh? Different background, culture. How will she fit in to the family? What will your uncles and aunties say about us?"

Uh huh. They'll keep gossiping, even after feasting on the marriage dinner. We'll get even when their Darling springs the North Indian surprise at them in a month or so.

"Why won't you just listen to us and get married ?"

A four letter word - Love

What happens once you get married? Now that's a topic of many a movie and recently, a commercial for an insurance brand :) Not to mention the entry of the greatest proponent and secret power behind it all - Grandma. 

Cheers

M

Growing up

Everyone has a growing up story. I really have short stories, because I was in this growing up phase in different places at different times. But the most important lessons are always learnt at home, no?
As middle class people, my parents didn't have it easy. I don't think many did have it easy in that age, but as parents they never let kids know. I realized it much later once I had the luxury of sitting down and observing life.

As any parent, my parents always wanted me to do well. But it was never stated or drilled into my head that I had to be the top or the best. Marks did matter, but it wasn't like I had to get a hundred. Anything that was a good score was good enough. But what they did instill in me was a sense of not being a brat, and of the importance of honesty. It was important to be courteous to guests, to always offer before taking, to say Thank you and Please, and Sorry. I think the importance and power of these things are lost these days.

There was this one time, when I scored a 9/10 in a class test. I had to get my Dad's sign on the test book. It wasn't something I'd be mortified about, I'd just keep it on the table, and he'd have a look and sign on the way out. But for some reason, I forgot to get his signature. Day 2, ditto. On Day 3, the class teacher makes us all non-sign-getters to stand up and threatens a trip to the headmaster. Now, Junior me, scared as shit, gets a brain wave. He decided to sign it himself!!! So I do it, a ditto forgery, and am saved!!! But, the guilt starts building and building, and by the end of the day, another brain wave. I decide to white-ink the forged signature, and get Dad's original signature. Like a consolation of types.

But when I did show it to Dad, I discovered another thing, That if you look at the back of the page, you see what was "white-inked". Needless to say, I got the whooping of my life. I was in 4th grade.

Have hated that feeling of  "guilt" ever since.

They also taught me to respect and be nice to people, no point hating eh? I took that on a slightly different note, writing my first "appreciation note". In 3rd grade!!! The girls name was Deepti and she was a Punjabi. She had these cat eyes and a very doll-like face. The "note" fell in to the wrong hands, and I have to rate the humiliation as one the top of my embarrassing moments list. I guess that's why am so into "writing " :-)

My mum has always been suggestive in the pursuits I took up. They got me a piano, not because I wanted one or that they wanted me to learn it. But because I used to play a small pencil box piano all the time. They got me basketball classes, because I wanted to get tall and hated the monkey bars in the parks. A Walkman, because that's what other kids had. The only thing I ever asked for would be some or the other kind of toy, before I came to India to complete my studies around 7th grade. Am still fascinated by Lego and remote controlled monster trucks!!!

I got swimming classes, because I loved the beaches ever since I was a baby, they were my favorite haunt. None of my courses were ever chosen by my parents. I have been self reliant through out. The decision to send me off to a hostel must have been very hard on them as it was on me, but today, I can proudly say that I can survive anywhere. I may not want to, but I can. In the whole scheme of things, I've also done public speaking, acting, singing, dancing, painting and photography, the school band all in school and college. Never stuck to anything long enough though.

They've given me a lot more than I could ask for. It's a different thing that I screwed up here and there, but all part of the larger scheme of things - I keep telling myself. They're last worry is  on getting me hitched ASAP. Which I have assured them is not going to happen any time soon.

Of course, having stayed away from them for almost 17 years, I missed out on the Advanced Life handling courses. Like the one where you experience how the world is genereally not very welcoming. Or the one where being selfish is the only way you get what you want. Or the part where it's okay to screw around with people you love/ who love you. And of course when relationships can be turned on and off like a switch, or when a bro can become a non-bro. And where friend is just another button away on a stupid website. (the one which I am super active on)

But then because you have such fundamentals, you're on this path that you hold on to dearly, but so want to dump and experiment. And you're caught in between, which honestly is the worst place to be. But you learn every day, with everyone, and keep it going. We're still growing up.

I owe a lot to my buds who've been a part of very important phases of my life. Guess they're more like true bro's (and female equivalent) than any.

M

Here come the Parents

Yes Guys, they're coming. After 2 false alarms and multiple rounds of emotional negotiations, the parents are arriving on 16th. In the event that I never return to this blog, please come looking for me, as I might either be married off to some "good, homely girl" or be in one of the "the eligible bachelor" carnivals, roaming and being displayed from house to house to the parents of aforementioned females.

Apart from steeling myself from having 50% chance of seeing a lot of photos of women