The one with Wazir, Chess & Khwaja Bhai

What an eventful week! If you asked me last Saturday how the next week would be, I'd probably go "Meh". But yesterday, I was exploring bikes to buy, rides to take, and reactivated all my Travel group pages on Facebook. It's been a long time since I rode a bike, an unexplainable rush when you run down open roads with the wind in your hair (in my case, skull), the sun shining down and glorious nature in all its splendor.

More on the travel story in a follow up post. I miss my Unicorn. Wish I had got it to Mumbai. 

Man who hates steel - Movie review

Am coming out fresh from a viewing of the most awaited, hyped Christopher Nolan's "Man of Steel" with a new superman, a new theme and a new, well not so original but nonetheless different title.

Fan boys of Nolan can stop reading now. I know how you are going to feel, because as an Apple Fan Boy I know how it feels when people make these critical remarks on Apple. Of course I just laugh it off and come home and stick needles in my voodoo dolls (I have quite a collection). But then that's me.

And to make things clear, I like Nolan movies.

So ready or not here it comes. (SPOILERS AHEAD)

I rated the movie 5 star out of 10 on IMDB. Basically because it doesn't give me an option to have negative ratings, and I haven't rated movie lower than 6 yet. Also before I explain my views, let me give you an idea of how I watch movies.

Hollywood Action - Popcorn and Coke
Hollywood Comedy - No Popcorn and Coke, owing to expected laughter and hence spillage
Hollywood Romance - Expect Skin Show
Bollywood Action - Expect Cars blowing up
Bollywood Romance - Hope no one shows skin
Bollywood Comedy - Leave brains at home
Jackie Bhagnani  Movie - Stay at home

Man of Steel for the first 25 minutes is interesting. It's a nice plot and intriguing. Then it goes all haywire to some damned planet trying to save itself, and Star Trek like stuff and then there's an evil villain who looks like a square Stone Cold Steven Austin, swearing revenge like some South Indian villain. At this point, I am still interested.

Cut to super hero child hood, miracle miracle, self doubt and life and blah blah. The problem with this part, and I'd expect it to be the most strongest character part is that its in too little bits and pieces and is just irritating. Lame dialogues add to the misery. At this point am looking for food.

I am Man of Steel. I thrash Buildings.

Lois Lane plays a nice cameo as a Tough-Smart-Ass-Media-Bitch-Sunny Leone type thing before turning into a good girl with a hint of warm Apple pie. Melts at the mere mention of Superman's sad confused life story. Stupid. At this point am checking out the crowd.

Add a generous helping of flying objects, 70% of crashing buildings and more buildings falling, burning buildings, buildings making out with other buildings etc. In this chaos, villains henchmen (in G I Joe costume, no less) fight Superman in the streets of the city. All the while, yes you guessed it, more thrashing buildings, cars, shops, trucks etc with no concern or thought to people IN THOSE BUILDINGS. We know they are sets, but at least act like they're not. I think it should have been named "Man who hates Steel Buildings". At this point am suicidal.

The only difference is that the Army, FBI, CIA, IA, Special Ops, Navy Seals, Marines, SWAT, etc are NOT shown as the only answer to world problems. In fact, they are almost friendly and defer to Superman. (WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with these people?!!!)

Enter villain. And Giant Flying object with pathetic name. Add more crashing buildings, yada yada yada, fight fight, superman does some self belief course, beats the bad machine, and finally a long one on one with the villain, who he kills by twisting the neck in the last minutes. (Note: Superman almost destroyed the city fighting villain henchmen by bashing them with other stuff)

Finally, Superman gets a job at the media agency that Lois Lane works in. Clark Kent. Tadaaaah!!!

Phew.

But its a great movie if you are in the architecture business or like watching buildings blowing up and all that. Also, the Sunny Leone comment above was a joke. Don't go to watch the movie expecting that. Ain't happening.

There's this hilarious part of Superman's Costume as well, but whatever.

Of course Henry Cavill makes a better superman. But that's about it. Give me Wolverine and Dark Knight any day.

Please go watch the movie. Am sure some part of you will still want to watch it. Let me know how it went in the comments below.

Cheers
M

The Truth behind the SRK Controversy

As you may have heard recently, King Khan has been asked to shift home base to across the border in case he felt unsafe in India. This invitation came from a leader of a organization of "questionable"* repute*

( Repute* refers to "media"/"Don't-kill-me-am-quoting-Wikipedia" lingo for an organization that has been  marked as a terrorist outfit by USA, UK, Russia, Australia, European Union, United Nations and the leader who has a 10 million dollar bounty on his head in one of those US Terrorist Bucket lists.

*Questionable refers to his patrons who STILL say there is no proof against him and that they cannot arrest him. These are the very same patrons who said we are fighting terror and are absolutely sure that Osama was not hiding there, till the US came and shot Osama bin Laden in their own back yard)

Sorry for the detour. Where was I? Ah yes SRK shifting and all.

Honestly if this offer had come after Ra One, I wouldn't of thought twice of packing this fellow off, just for putting us through that scene with Arjun Rampal. Yes, "that" scene. But the songs were Okay, and I had good laughs for a few months, so you are forgiven.

In midst all this controversy, in comes the now famous for his foot-in-mouth comments, the inferior interior minister who says he is concerned about SRK's safety. To put in mildly - Why don't you sniff up who's blowing up people in your own country instead of worrying about our citizens, eh? Are you seriously saying that of all the people who elected you as a politician (God alone knows why) in your country, you are bothered about a celeb in our country? Very Suspicious, wouldn't you say?

Also, the minister says he wants to remind us and I quote, "I would like to request all Indian brothers and sisters and all those who are talking negative way about Shah Rukh, they should know he is a movie star."

Umm...Yes you Idiot, he is a movie star. We've seen from his stuttering days to his current stretch-my-arms-and-romance days. However, may I remind you, he is an Indian first. Also, we are not your brothers and sisters, at least am not. How about you pay a little more attention to all the "negative" shit you guys are doing at the LOC, before you come barging in on Bollywood like you barge in across the border every now and then?

Come to think of it, I would have made a counter offer to some of your people to come here and stay safe, especially those famous leaders who are declared terrorists globally, but of whom you seem to have no proof. They could live in Tihar and have world class Biryani. That Kasab fellow must have written to you guys no? Oh wait, I forgot. You abandoned him to die the moment he left your borders.

Frankly, looking at all the above, I think this is all related to with one thing, and only one thing.

Keep your grubby hands off SRK. He will not dance in any of your weddings.

Cheers
M

PS - Try Saif, after Race 2, he'll probably need it.

Toilet Ratios and more

The past week has been an interesting one. From Sur Kshetra contestants mentored by a Nasal singer and a 24/7 heart broken voice, to Big Boss 6 vying for the space in the drama entertainment scene against our most long lasting drama series ever - Politics.

In unrelated notes tissue paper rolls, also released this week was the drastic eye opener to the state of toilets in this country, which has people in all parts shitting themselves silly (including yours truly) and clogging social media sites across the world.

Honestly, I don't see why there is such a fuss about the whole thing anyway.Did Slumdog Millionaire Not show us the sad state of bowel cleaning facilities in Mumbai vis a vis the number of Apartment complexes that are coming up in every nook and corner of the city. An ADARSH example is it not? 

And what's a little honesty and shit cladden cuteness to get an Oscar eh?

It's just a statement that there were more temples than toilets.You'd think as the in-charge of Rural Development since July 2011, they'd have realized this sooner and done something about it. But you must keep in mind that there is still a lot of things they need to count. Like the number of benefits that one can get by being the son in law of....err never mind. I don't want to die.

On a similar note, I wonder what the stats are in our central state, where a certain leader had statues of herself put up everywhere in vast stone gardens that could probably house, what a 1000 toilets?

In fact I am a staunch believer in such constipation-beating ratios. For example what is the ratio of toilets in the capital, versus that amount of MONEY that went down the same drain for the Commonwealth Games.

But these are very smart people. For example, in states where there is a water crisis, like Karnataka (being an opposition party government is mere coincidence, I assure you) you create an additional shortage of water to justify the number of toilets that exist. BRILLIANT. All these people who are cribbing can't see the brilliance of your plans. 

In all fairness of course, a minister can only compare such an important issue like basic sanitation and toilets, with another grave issue such as education, poverty, drinking water, health care, roads, food shortage,irrigation, crop failure,  Temples. What use is faith in such dire consequences anyway? 

And after all, these religious institutions have so much of money that the common man willing puts in, that are used only for making hospitals and educational facilities and all that. Who will save poor Swiss banks if we can't get our hands on that? 

The most dark toilet ratio would probably be the coal one. I mean tons and tons of coals passed on to friendly neighborhood businesses. What's wrong in that? Let them make a little money. That some of the relatives are sitting on the board of these companies, (and probably using the office toilets, of course) has nothing to do with it. 

Imagine what a beautiful toilet ratio this would be - the amount of cash and gold flushed down the toilets of all those politicos those Income Tax people raided? Must've clogged half the states plumbing. My bowels are itching with anticipation at the probable numbers!!!

Sigh. Perhaps the toilet ratios in Switzerland are far better than here, must explain the amount of money they have stuck up there. I wonder if they will ever be flushed back to where they belong. Without these Swiss toilets, we'd probably be on of the richest nations around. Stinking Rich mostly.  

Speaking of which, the toilet beckons. 

:) M

DISCLAIMER: The views expressed here are my own and hold no affiliation to any organization, existing or past whatsoever. The contents above are satirical in nature and does not indicate any person or organization, living or dead. The owner of this blog makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this site or found by following any link on this site.