When I met Mahendra Singh Dhoni

One of the advantages of being a minion in a Daaru company (or Alco-Beverage as the HR guys pitch) is that alcohol is very easy to come by. In the sense that while you work at the multiple events they have, you stand & watch as the alcohol comes and goes by, while you wonder if the lights are working properly, if the promoters are selling instead of drinking, and if you'll ever get to suavely slide a drink down to the chicks at the party while no one is looking.

Or rather when everyone is looking and there are spotlights on you.

The other advantage is that you get to meet with Mahendra Singh Dhoni.

An Open Letter to all Open Letterers

Dear open letterer, and open letter Fanboi's,

A long long long time ago, in a faraway galaxy (Goregaon East, probably) one girl dared to write the world's first open letter on the internet. Before the rise of common sense of this age, it came as a shock to many that a girl would dare and venture to do something as brash as voice her opinion, and that too about a boy. 

*collective gasp*  

However, and you may not know this, but I consider "An open letter to a Delhi Boy" and its subsequent replies to be one of the most interesting moments of internet literature that I have ever read. The outrage, counter letters, postcards and general talk has been a revelation into how jobless and racist people really are. If only the letter had some sprinkles of saffron in it, or claimed that we had actually landed in the moon a long time ago circa Ramayana, it might as well have become a contender for a nationalist letter of sorts in the current government. 

Anyways, 3 years hence, the internet is abuzz with thousands of open letters today:

An open letter to my Dhobi. 

An open letter to the rickshaw driver who did not agree to drop me to Chakala.

An open letter to the Prime minister about my neighbor who makes fried dry fish on Sunday noon that stinks so bad that you should ask them to build our next generation of toxic chemical weaponry. 

Any person who is any person worth his QWERTY Keyboard + Facebook post has written an open letter, each letter vying for its share of the social media glory. I mean who wouldn't want to value their human lives in likes and shares?

It is therefore not surprising that YOU, dear open letterer would obviously resort to an open letter as a means of revolt and general displeasure to anything ranging from poor water supply to Ramdev Baba's soft porn yoga moves. It's a different thing that you do not see the need to do anything about it yourself, and find it apt to put it out there on the internet to see who would take the bait.

*Open Letter to my maid who forgot to put the garbage out.*

These mass open letterers are the same people who would not think twice while giving up their Facebook id and password to watch a non existent video titled "OH MY GOD YOU WONT BELIEVE A GIANT SHARK EATS A NAKED LADY IN MID AIR ". Post which the aforementioned site proceeds to spam all of your friends with ads for Kent RO Water Purifier (The one where Hema Malini just repeats the same thing for years and mind fucks the water into purifying itself) or expensive iphone 6 card boxes from Snapdeal.com 

I mean seriously, open letters? Did you ever even write an actual one on paper? The good old way of taking time to pen down your thoughts, and not the verbal deluge of bullshit that it has become today? 

But enough is enough. 

*drum roll*

As the self appointed representative of  the people of Mumbai (or the allied states of Andheri, Malad, Ghatkopar and the union territories of Bandra & Colaba) I, in my innate wisdom have decided that this open letter has to be written to ban all open letters. Enough is enough. For long have we suffered the pain of poor language in the guise of a rant. For long have we had to watch idiots write open letters to random people like Obama to help a leopard in Sanjay Gandhi National park. 

*You think he is bloody zookeeper of America or wat?*

I demand that henceforth , you will stop this open letter nonsense, and instead re word your titles to more appropriate headings, like "Man I really need to crib about these people" or "Why the hell do I get pimples on date night" and "How to promote a movie by raising controversy" etc. I also hope that you will encourage your immediate fellows to do the same, and to refrain from using the hideous "Open Letter".

If you fail to do so...

Cheers

M

The Great Mumbai Traffic Show

My last post was in August. Its not that I felt bored or got a life, but it was all about a lot of false starts. Pretty much like this "Acche din aayenge" philosophy that's been doing the rounds of late. My draft folder is filled with many such false starts, which I have been really struggling on. After twitter, I think its getting impossible to keep my mind to one continuous train of thou...Oooh Butterfly!!!

The Birds in my life

Hello dear digital content consumer,

Something tells me I've been doing it wrong...

August seems to be a good creative month for me. Even in the midst of mind numbing stupidity from our news channels and the general religious trolls on Social media, my mind has been abuzz with questions and thoughts that could change the way humanity would function forever. Like - how much time would I need to train a dog to fetch Beer from the Fridge?

Anyways, while I have this going, I want to write as much as I can. I've not been an avid bird watcher in any sense of the term, which of course either way could have taken away my glorious singledom. It's very difficult for someone of my XXL size talents to stay single. *insert universe face-palming emoji here*

The Rakhi System

Raksha Bandhan to me has always been an alien festival. Partly because I've spent most of my time as an unknown entity at Boarding school, followed by religious abstinence in the guise of a paying guest, followed by self imposed one girl only philosophy (which in hindsight was a terrible idea at age 12). And the rest of the time honing my "awkward" skills in general public, and of recent on twitter.

The only Rakhi I remember then, and recently has been one of dearest cousin sis who judiciously couriered it across to someone who could get it to me. Of course now that I'm in Mumbai I just go over. (vs. a phone call ten times in 2 minutes reminding me of who's boss - my nieces) I might not say it, but beneath this tough looking exterior lies a sucker for these kinda things. (sniff)

But this post is not about the beautiful relationship that is the crux of Raksha Bandhan. This is about the School version of Rakhi.

Weekend Getaways: Udaipur

The Glory of Udaipur. Seen here - Jagmandir, Taj Lake Palace, Fateh Prakash Palace, Oberoi Udai vilas, Lake Pichola

Hello you marshmallows.

How are you doing? Hows the weather? Is it raining heavily? Is it getting all foggy? Do you feel that the general public's notion of monsoon being romantic or being perfect for a cuppa coffee or tea, is a little too much?

Let me say a bit here. When the British left this country, they handed over a Mumbai that was equipped with drains. However, they obviously weren't clear in their bye-bye notes, because somewhere down the line the municipality, in keeping with our new traditions (the one where test tube babies were made in India, circa Ramayana / Mahabharata) decided the drainage was a waste of time, and water should be allowed to run along, like the force of nature that it is. So our roads are basically waterways and what you call potholes, are rather strategically placed markers that are used as a rating system for general incompetence and to direct the flow of water across roads. What fun.

My Tree of Life

Image Courtesy: www.osnatfineart.com/painting/5907-Tree-of-Life

It's been a while since I wrote. Writing to me is a way of expression, and my friends would know me to be an expressive person. Combined with the attention span of a kitten, and the enthusiasm of a jack in a box, I can be quite a challenge to any 5 year old.

If I look back at my posts over the last few years, I think I've written most when  my expression was constrained, bottled up in a pressure tight worldly container. In this period, I was under the misconception that I wrote to keep in touch with my creative side. I now realise that it was an escape for my soul that cried out for help, to get back to what came naturally to me - fun, happiness and goodness. The fact that I have not written for so long, in the above context is actually a good sign for me personally. 

Flying in Indian Skies

(Language and content warning.)

The first time I took a flight, or to be put more appropriately a wailing me was buckled down in the seat, was when I was in the 4th grade. Well, that was the first time I remember it at least.

It was Gulf Air, with pretty air hostesses in golden scarves who handed out toys to kids and took some of them along to the cockpit to meet the captain. This was of course before Laden and his cronies decided to fuck up everything and the chances of me ever getting to accomplish my wishes in this lifetime. (No, Not meeting the captain, the toys.)

Toys are now called collectibles when adults buy them. FYI. 

Elections 2014 - Dark Horse on Pink Elephants

There are 4 characters in this story. The Dark Horse, the Pink Elephant, The White Fluffy Rabbit and the Journalist.

* * *

This is an interview between the Dark Horse on the comments made by another political heavy weight, Pink Elephant.

Who Should you vote for?

Before we go ahead in this post, I would like to make it clear that I had actually written a very elaborate, serious post on what I "really" think of our political options in the current scenario. The result was that none of my views could be substantiated without an absurd amount of research, to which I was not enthusiastically inclined. I also realized that it would be literally impossible for me to hold my ground against any "tard" (Please add political party as required) because I had written about all our political parties. Which made me prime fodder for social media annihilation.

Also Arm Chair Activism Rocks.

A guide to the Auto Rickshaws of India

What a fantastic start to the new year. A lot of new records. Am sure you all saw or heard the interview of the year on a leading new channel a few days ago, or as I like to call it - "Papu panchvi class se thej nahin hai" with Arnab. This was also accompanied by the shortest overnight Dharna involving a CM by the AAP, and of course the highest number of  "Bhaiyon Bheno" speeches by the party that cannot be named.

Miu - The Cat

A couple of years ago, I wrote a post on the loss of Jimmy. The puppy eyed fellow who loved playing hide and seek around the kitchen.

Today I write about a sneaky, cute, skinny, hungry, bully, cat called Miu.

Inspiration writing - Jan 12, 2014

One of things I want to do this year is to write. Irrespective of the number of likes or shares, or fans knocking down my door, or being mobbed in the street or even if I have to keep my superhero identity in check, I will write.

The thing am trying today is to be inspired by the moment. Here goes.

I'm sitting in Costa coffee right now, and looking around I feel comfortable. In Bangalore I used to hit the Indiranagar Costa every Sunday at 5 for my favourite Caramelato and the book of the week. (Just as I was going to say its peaceful, a bunch of guys have landed their behinds on the inviting couch on my right. Not so peaceful) 

Today am here, reviving this long lost tradition. Hot chocolate has replaced the Caramelato, largely owing to a temporary craving. Am in those nice wooden sofa chairs which have those striped designs. The sort you would see in old clubs? But once you sit in them you realize its narrow at the base, so your ass feels like its being sucked in. There's also a small round wood table, A light bulb shines above it and am in the corner from where I have a view of the whole cafe. I've used my wallet to prop up my ipad mini, while my phones are on the left. 

A different New Year

I did something very different this year around. Apart from sticking to a home celebration in the company of my awesome self, I decided to make a good start. Usually I'd wake up on the first, wondering where I am, and continue sleeping till the noon.

This year however, I decided to accomplish all those things that I'd hope to do this whole year. It went far better than I expected.

1. Got up early and did a little MJ style dance to some music (I call it Andheri-pot-hole-road-walking) 

2. Talked to the parents and chaddi buddy

3. Cooked a healthy breakfast ( Sweet cream soaked grain with dry fruits, simmered to a consistency thats rich and melts in your mouth, you'd probably know it as oats in milk with 2 almonds)

4. Stepped out and went to Marine drive, strolled around, meditated to the sound of waves

5. Took the camera along, got some pics

6. Had a nice meal in a restaurant by the boulevard

7. Helped random person to read a message on the phone, since their glass were missing.

8. Went to Oberoi mall, roamed around, took random photos, checked out the gadgets and gizmos

9. Came back home, went for a walk

10. Went to the Andheri sports complex, started process to sign up for swimming

11. Came back, played a few games, watched TV

12. Spoke to friends

13. Wrote on the blog ;-) 

14. And finally will sleep before 12 tonight

So broadly that covers family, friends, food, travel, photography, writing, excercise and health. (Notice how I avoided mentioning Dance, I'd be crazy to dance like a inmate at the Big Boss house). This year I've also read the least number of books, and the least number of posts on the blog, which I hope to change. 

Social media will be something that will be a key hobby. I am active on Instagram and to some extent on Pinterest. A little on vine too. (Follow @2emkay I have cookies) but clearly it's an interest area I don't want to give up on.

Its been an extremely tough year, professionally and personally but that's done with. I am looking forward to this year, the key word being to work on self respect. If I achieve it this year with improving my health, I think I would have succeeded in moving miles ahead. 

Wish you all a very Happy New Year. Keep smiling :-)

M 

Diary Entry on 2013.

Dear Diary,

This year has been normal. Going by the general standard of every year, doing nothing that has saved lives of got more than 10 likes on Facebook. I did manage to get out of the country and back alive, un-scarred and without an accent. I've managed to keep my resolution of last year - not to have any resolutions for this year, so Yay me. Book reading has been pathetic, managing just 10 books to last years 40, but blame it on Congress (that seems to be the in thing these days). On the internet, am doing well. The blog has suffered here, but has done else where. *wink wink*

TV watching has considerably increased, largely for distraction. You remember that Star channel has now added new ones - Star World HD, Star World LOL, Star Sports 1, 2, 3, 4, (n-1) and as a result the new channels are showing re runs of programs that were watched when Michael Jackson was still...umm....Non-white. They also repeat the shows every third day, so I now know 2 and Half men episode 8,9,10 by heart.

I've also taken dearly to "Vodafone presents Big Boss season 7 presented by Dabur Chyawanprash only on Colors" which had its Finale today. The show is hosted by Salman Khan, that dude fellow who did that belt dance and that towel dance not so long ago. (You'd remember by my marvelous imitation of it post which I retired from dancing). I agree this guy has an amazing stage presence, so much so, that the organizers decided to make a stage that was 2 ft wider than his height.

In other news that Aam Aadmi fellow has become the Delhi CM. No, no not Rajnikanth re, Arvind Kejriwal. I have high hopes for him, he has really done very well for himself, hope he does so for the country also huh. Meanwhile these other political parties are shitting their cash laden pants, falling over themselves on what to do. But now we have the option of not voting for any of these parties, much like that "none of the above" option we had in Exams in college. Going by that logic, every time that option came in the exam paper, we knew it had to be the right answer. Pretty true for our country's politics too if you ask me.

And we come to the perennial issue diary, people are getting married left right center. I can no confidently say that the average has tilted in favor of people already hitched. After I wrote that last post on Shaadi.com I think they have put my profile in the recycle bin or something, because am getting all "Wan cute gud boy who lyk me and wil luvz me" type requests. #Facepalm only.

I got a new phone recently. The Nexus 5. I gave away...the iphone. It was getting too difficult you know, to keep holding the same thing. I know I promised to get the iphone 5s when it came out, but seriously I don't think I could pledge all my life savings on that thing. It also did not have a microwave built in so, Meh.

Next year, I am going to do something drastic. But am not sure how that will go. But as you know, planning for anything makes it harder to achieve. So let me leave it at that.

Laters
M

Boracay - The South East Asia Trip Part 5 Finale

Read Part 1 - Malaysia

Read Part 2 - Langkawi
Read Part 3 - Singapore

Read Part 4 - Philippines 

Borocay. The most beautiful piece of earth I have ever seen. Beige Sands, crystal clear water tinted blue and green like the sky, and such a lovely nightlife. It was not once that I contemplated buying a sail boat and settling down here, even if I had to become Madan Kumar MBA, Nariyal Pani Wala.

I can't stop gushing about this place. We stayed at a beautiful cottage right on the beach, come to think of it everything is either on the beach or not in Boracay. You will find all kind of people here, from the mainland as well as lots of tourists.

The Sky and water is JUST SO BLUE

One of the best things you can do is just walk around the pristine sand. They do not allow any food or drink on to the sands, and any one, usually locals will stop you from going on to the beach if they see you carrying something on to the sand. Apart from the view of natural beauty, you have lots of other activities like boating, scuba dyving, snorkeling, bid watching *wink wink* and the likes. The nights light up with all the pubs, bars and shows coming on to entertain. Each and every bar is different, some play live music on the sands, there are fire dances and drum solos, shopping of knick knacks and live food. (Check instagram on @2emkay) Getting a back massage in the sun is something you will never regret ever, especially if there's a cocktail near by and a cool breeze.

But enough about that boring stuff. Lets get right to the exciting part.

Fire show at the beach 

We decided to go snorkeling because we didn't have enough time for a full course of Scuba. Also my "Friend" almost lied his way to a dive, till the moment the instructor told us about impending death if we don't wait for a full 18 hours before catching a flight. (Nitrogen gets into your veins and it explodes and shit). So we merry 4 caught up with a friends, friends group to snorkel around the seas. 

It was beautiful, and as we dived into the water, I must say it was like swimming in a 360 degree aquarium. The oarsman basically throws bread crumbs and you see all these colorful little fish swim right up to your nose and its just mesmerizing. We then moved to an island for some rests and general buffoonery, before we headed back.

Now it was quite dark by the time we could see the shore lights, which was still a good 500 meters away when the boat suddenly stopped. Apparently, the tide was too low for the boat to go any further. We just ignored the guy like we ignore traffic signals in India. After 5 min of silence, it suddenly sunk in.

WE HAD TO WALK BACK TO THE FREAKING SHORE.

I watch discovery channel a lot, and my memory at these occasions quickly recalls venomous snakes, paralyzing Jellyfish, puffed up fish, etc. Not to mention pit holes, currents and clothing more appropriate for a bath, rather than adventure sports of this kind.

Slowly one by one, we got into the water, waist high. Putting all our gadgetry into plastic bags held high across our heads, and holding hands as we moved in single formation s-l-o-w-l-y across dark, murky waters. As we did so, we took a solemn vow to not take photographs, lest some evil sea creature attack us.

(Also wanted to avoid the utter embarrassment of 12, 29 somethings walking holding hands for dear life)

We tumbled, yelled, screamed (You'd be surprised at the squeals of some of these "stud" type guys have. PS - ladies, do a voice test before you get hitched) I got pricked twice by something on the super fine sea bed, because being taller meant being leaned on for support. 

FINALLY, we made it to the beach. Alive. In the process, we had a few injured people, 3 lost slippers (BC was losing the second pair in 2 days) and hurt pride. 

The Shooter menu for the 15 rounds

But this was not the end. Later in the evening we went to this place called Cocomangas, Shooter bar. For every round of 15 shots that you have, your country gets a point on the huge Score board. We had three rounds, and I don't remember a lot of the rest of the night.

Ok I Do, but am not telling you. *Insert sly smile*

Just note that we added 3 points to team India, holding up the pride of our Nation, as compared to certain people in the USA doing all hira kiri with maids and stuff. 

They Played Hindi numbers, we did the world famous in India train dance sequence and manged to hop out to another bar where some English douche was playing weird music. The rest of the night, without much detail as below.

- Fight breaks out

- Music stops, Spot light on fighters

- Fighters turn out to be 2 from our extended group (WTF?!!!)

- The opposition is a foreigner (Imagine Andre the giant)

- There are bouncers now

- Guys fall over a table

- Random female almost clobbers a guy with a bottle for spilling her drink from aforementioned table

- I don't think the guy knows

- Wait, someone punched the bouncer

- SHIT THERE ARE COPS NOW, HIDE. 

- People are being arrested and cuffed, I hear references to Sisters / Mothers in Hindi

- WTF is number 2 doing joking with the Foreigners friends?!!

- Sanity check - where are all core members. 1, 2 ,3....wait wheres 4?!!

- Panic for number 4. Number 3 confirms number 4 is with him

- All Clear

- Music is back on. Everyone's dancing.

- UPA is still in power in Delhi What the hell just happened?!!

I manage to reach home with number 2. What he said, in 7.1 Dolby Digital sound to the population of Boracay, Americans, Indians, Dogs, Random Rickshaw puller, Motorbike rider, Bar staff and the Universe is now between his conscience and them. I cannot say anymore. Time 4.30 am. I had been awake, dancing, a little tipsy (You have to believe me here, I was strangely sober) for about 28 hours now. My Camera was the only thing in my hand functioning normally. (Except for the dead battery)

The next day I fell sick. We were back in India in 3 days.

And that my friends, was the conclusion of our epic trip. From getting stranded at the airport to walking crazy distances, barging our way through to an airplane seat 9 hours after departure time, Racist slurs at a Casino to being held at Immigration, to the epic events in Boracay.

It was LEGEN *Wait for it* DARY!!!!

I also learned that no time is as good a time as now. You know those friends you have? Hold them close. It's hard to start from scratch, and a little here and there is fine in the long run. 

And remember kids, YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE!!!! 

Cheers

M

Philippines - The South East Asia Trip Part 4

Read Part 1 - Malaysia

Read Part 2 - Langkawi
Read Part 3 - Singapore


The last part of Trip consisted of landing in Philippines and moving around to different islands, catching the awesome night life and enjoying cheap luxuries.Philippines is seriously quite cheap. But as usual when things can go wrong, they will always go wrong exponentially.

So let me admit my mistake, starting off with basic Geography 101.

Next, Philippines is always at the center point of typhoons, so it would be wise to not go there in the monsoons, unless you really hate yourself or are taking your Ex there on a one way ticket. (Presuming you are coming back) We went there because we probably hated each other.

Anyways, we too were unfortunate enough to catch the rains, and a large part of our trip got busted, including a trip to Coron islands (which got substituted by a one night day complimentary stay at the 0 starr airport) and a dormant Volcano. (Sigh, I know) We missed a freaking Volcano. (Point to note, I and BC were the only two standing on two feet at the point of departure to this venue)

Anyway, the most exciting part of this whole trip is when we were detained at immigration.

----

*Dark Room with lighting only on partial face. Unknown identity asks a a question.*

"I Thought it was easy money. All we had to do was carry a suitcase of drugs across the border, and we would be millionaires. They promised it would all be good. It was supposed to all taken care of. But when they get you, you're all alone"

Locked Up Abroad on National Geographic Channel

---

My mind, dear friends, is a virtual time bomb of thoughts. At any given point of time, I am riding on a sleigh fighting dementors, or could be romancing a noble lady on a stage in Paris. So when I came to know that the airport we were landing at, was a well known hub for all these kind of TV shows, well, all these episodes and dialogues come rushing...

The airport we were landing at, NAIA is rated the worst airport in the world (FYI, Kolkata, Chennai, Mumbai are in the Top 10 worst airports as well). It is also one of the most busiest airports in Asia. T3, the latest terminal is meant only for international flights, so if you land at another terminal from an international flight. Well, God Bless you.

Anyways, we landed at the right airport and were aiming to get Visa on Arrival as we had Singapore Visa's. Let me reiterate, that this is a known hub for drug smuggling and shit, so the officials are always looking for shady characters. And when it comes to shady, no one can beat my 2, eager to please, never traveled abroad alone, half groggy unshaven spectacle wearing Indian friends.

All we had to do was walk to the counter, show them the passport and visa, and the air ticket, and move.

But NO. My dear friends HAD to do some "Khujli". They HAVE to ask the most sternest looking cop some imbecile like questions.

"Sir we don't have Visa" will probably go down as the worst thing ever said to a customs official by a tourist in a foreign airport known for smuggling.

We submitted all our documents to three cops, before a senior cop with 3 stars on her uniform (and looked very much like Farida Jalal ) took us to an inside room. We sat down on comy Sofa's while they kept asking us questions.

Cop 1 to me - What's your name?
Me - Madan

Cop 1 to me - Where are you from?
Me - Bangalore

Cop 2 to BC - Who is he? *points to me*
BC - Madan

Cop 3 to Cop 2 : Sounds like *snicker snicker ha ha gibberish gibberish*
Cop 2 to me : How do you know him? *point to BC*
Me - We are friends

Cop 2 to Me : Who are you?
Me - Madan

All the Cops - "Hmm..."

After 5 minutes

Cop 3 to me - Who are you?
Me - Sigh. Madan

Eventually, after all possible combinations and permutations of who asked whom were done, the grilling was over. I got off because I had a huge Multinational backing my employment, while the other two jokers were employed by a company who had a billboard right in front of the cops, and the cops had never heard of the company. #Facepalm

Finally, we come to know that our return tickets have been cancelled, because the government cancelled the license of the Airlines 2 days ago. #PANIC. Our host meanwhile was pretty sure we were arrested or something because we were 3 hours late, and was all set to call emergency services.

After another good hour more we were let go. And this is picture best explains relief that we felt at that point of time.

Manila is very much like a Mumbai. The only difference is that people here look different and eat different. The Americans have basically changed the whole country during the wars and occupations into a "entertainment" destination for their soldiers based there, so you will see a lot of American influence in the culture. The girls want to marry Americans, the guys want to go to America accept that America doesn't see this place as anything more than a speck.

Its like the famous historian and inter racial cultural expert Russel Peters once said "BESHT Bro, IT IS BESHT. AMERICAN BRO, BESHT"

This has already gone for too long, So I will write one more post on Borocay (Where we swam across the OCEAN in the dead of NIGHT to reach shore) before I conclude the series. Am also planning to put together a Pinterest board of all the stops we made, that might be of interest to you guys.

So here's to then, Merry Christmas.


M

Singapore - The South East Asia Trip part 3

(At this point there can be no excuse for not writing this part of the trip, a good three months after it happened. So I'll ignore verbal abuses and move on like nothing ever happened, or as it's happening in Delhi these days - send you an SMS for your opinion later)

Read Part 1 - Malaysia

Read Part 2 - Langkawi 

Now the third leg of our journey was to the magical city of Singapore. Magical because for some reason, I had made the connection that Mickey Mouse was born here. I know, its ridiculous. We all know that a mouse that big can only be born in Chennai.

We had the good fortune of having a few juniors of BC (yes its a name) in Singapore, which made us more comfortable. Except for the part where my learned friend couldn't figure out how to use a pay phone, a credit card, a travel card, an English speaking Human being and a phone number, to reach his junior waiting outside the airport. Changi Airport is like UB city mall (Bangalore) multiplied by Phoenix mall (Mumbai) with a few airplanes thrown in for free. It is freaking Amazing. I mean I could have roamed the airport for a few days and still returned happy.

You remember the Manforce condom ads? The bill boards and vinyls of the perfumes & Cosmetics here will put Sunny Leone to shame. But in a nice way.

We were hungry so we decided to grab some food at Burger king (Hoooray!!!) since we were hungry, and that is when we realized Singapore is expensive. No kidding. 4 of us and the bill was 42 SGD, which is like 5000 bucks. 

In Singapore, you will be surprised to see that Tamil is the second language after English. I have no idea they pulled this off, and am pretty sure the Malayalis are pissed. So now you know why Rajnikanth's third largest Fan base after the Aliens, and Tamil Nadu is in Singapore. 

And here's a good warning. Am not sure, but I think its compulsory for women to wear shorts, and that too no longer than 6 inches, so guys please. No Staring. You have the Google Incognito mode for that. But on a serious note, they do dress very very well both professionally / casually so its a kind of a learning in trends. If you are into that kind of stuff. 

We stayed at Little India, which is basically a small section of Singapore where most of the "Asians" live. The Taxi guys hate it, the citizens hate it, almost everyone hates it. Am not being over sensitive. In a city which has banned chewing gum to keep the city clean, I saw Indian people peeing on the roads, at which point I promptly started conversing in French. #TrueStory

Me an Po Sharing a laugh at these other
mortal humans at Universal

Anywhoos, we got a decent hotel in this place, and trust me if you are on a budget, this is the only area where you can manage to be on a budget. On the itinerary was Universal Studios, The Singapore flyer, Marina Bay Sands hotel & Casino, Sentosa Islands and this cool underwater sea place (which we got confused with in Sentosa and missed) All travel is via metro, which is extremely convenient.

Am not going to write much about Sentosa Islands, its basically a large park which houses different sections, one of which is the Universal Studios. Universal Studios was my first time to a theme park, with rides and stuff. I was very apprehensive about it. As a kid the only ride I went on was the merry-go-round, and that too holding on to the pole for dear life. 

You keep fish in between your fingers, and she
swoops up your arm and sucks it off. Amazing

But man, these rides were totally awesome!!! The Merchandise even better!!! Highly recommended rides - the Mummy and Transformers. And here's the trick. If you go as a group, you need to wait in a huge line. But if you go in the single line you can go all the way to the front and they will accommodate you in any seat / trailer. Debi went 10 times to the Mummy ride, and by the 11th time they offered him a job and a hat. He declined because the Transformer guys offered him food instead. 

I however was more enamored by the park itself and the detailing. And the merchandise. It isn't worth the price, but please buy it if you love it. And another trick - carry Master card. They have awesome offers on Master card. Not so much on Visa.

We were back by the End of Day and were exhausted. The next day we went to another part of Sentosa, which was the water world. My highlight of the Singapore trip was this - I fed and touched a 8 foot Stingray!!! I love animals. And I also hate humans who can't take a decent photograph (all the numb skulls who traveled with me) 

The View from the Singapore Flyer - Marina Bay Sands Hotel
and the Bay area

Apart from that, we caught the Singapore Flyer, one of the largest in the world. The view from the top is amazing, and I highly recommend that you go at night to catch the lights. 

We also took a long walk around the beautiful Marina Bay, caught the lovely laser show that is done from the top of the hotel on to the water fountains below (check my You Tube channel for the video) and met Mommy and junior Merlion. (Papa Merlion for some reason is at Sentosa) There's also this huge Uber rich looking mall with all the brands that you can think off, including Ferrari cars and Ducati. The restaurants lining the bay look so good and luxurious, that I felt quite intimidated by the mere thought of trying one of them. (Remember Burger king story?)

With Jr. and Mummy (Back)
 Merlion

I have now forgotten all the fantastic comic opportunities and stories, but I must tell you this. We were at Singapore for 2 nights, and we made the absolute Maximum of the time. It was by far the most expensive part of the whole trip, so I suggest you plan appropriately. 

I've promised myself that I will finish the series this year. 2 more posts to go!!!

M

Lounging in Langkawi - The South East Asia Trip Part 2

Read the first part here

Langkawi to me was always the place people go on their honey moon, rekindle the love, girl gang hang outs etc type places. So naturally I'd think it would be very beautiful, very silent and very private. With top class resorts and honestly, expensive.

On the contrary, Langkawi is one of the most coolest places anyone can go to. And if you want to just put your feet up and chill, this is the place. If you want to have some fun and adventure, this is the place. And if you want to go on a crazy night of fun, this is still the place.

So we landed in Langkawi coming from KL, the first morning flight. As you land in the airport you have a host of options for travel and stay. But tucked away in the corner is a car rental service. Trust me, this is what you have to take. The best car we could get was a Mitsubishi SUV, Automatic. At 350 RM (Around 7000 bucks) for three days this was a steal. And the car was absolutely top class. Drowsy and being the only sane one in the team, I was initially acting like a Marwadi business man.

"Lets just get something that moves, why do you need to spend so much?!!"

Of course, you must also note that my friends are maniacs. DB and BC, the guys who I am not going to name, will probably rent an airplane if they were asked to by a guy who called them "Sir". Typical Politeness depraved souls that they were.

But sense prevailed, and we settled the matter like adults - whoever had the loudest voice won.

For the first 20 kilometers, my sophisticated friends (with driving license and experience) had no idea how to use the gears. As a result we traveled on first gear, while cars, cycles and cows waved at us as they overtook our sorry arses. It finally took a man of sound logic, a guy who obviously was meant for great things, to tell them how to use the gear.

"Hey this + button looks interesting" *Insert great thunderous applause here*

Our Rooms were awesome. We stayed at "Tropical Resorts" which is basically a set of cottages, about 15 meters from the beach. At the time of booking, we didn't know this part. But then it was really cool and very convenient. Because by default, we were staying at the most happening locale in Langkawi (Of course we came to know about this only towards the end of the trip)

In Langkawi, we did the following

1. Took lots of fun drives.

Attitude issues

2. Went to the Underwater world, a really cool aquarium and bird park. It also has a macaw that has an
attitude problem that someone should look into. They also have a python that will not eat you as you try to act all brave and pose with it. Also don't forget to meet the seal that swims in perfect loops for eternity. seriously, the guy just doesn't stop.

3. Took more fun drives

I love these birds

4. Went island hopping - We were taken to the first island, which has this amazing lake in the center of it called the lake of pregnant maidens (Top on the Planning-A-Family-Must-Go-To-Locations) *wink wink*. This place is just amazing, because its so beautiful, so peaceful and also because you can swim in this huge lake. The next spot they take you to is a an area where there are lot of eagles. It's basically eagle feeding and they are just so beautifully majestic. I must have clicked a 100 photos in burst mode. Only to get maybe 2 photos of the eagles tail feathers. Bah. The third island is a beautiful, white sand beach where you can swim and do the normal stuff. (In this case pose for selfies of aforementioned people I shall not name)

Laksa

 5. Took 4 circles of  a location called Kuah (Irony, sounds like a "well" in Hindi) because my driver and co-driver are extremely talented in going around in circles. We also tried the staple dish of the place called Laksa, which is basically sour fish soup with noodles and chicken and egg and some other stuff. (Of course I just came to know what it was thanks to Wikipedia. On the day we put up brave faces and mumbled appreciation as we gobbled the incredibly awkward smelling and tasting dish, grudgingly, down)

6. We went to the Marina to take lots of pictures of us with the very beautiful Langkawi + Eagle Statue. And also the other stuff around.

I wasn't scared at all. Honest.

7. Went to the Langkawi Cable Car. Which is also the location of the Langkawi Sky Bridge. Unfortunately the bridge was closed. The Cable car basically takes you to a middle station (600+ meters) and from where you will change cars to ascend a further 100 mts to the top station where you have 2 viewing stations. From this point, you can touch the clouds and have the most magnificent 360 degree view. Its also a great place to push off 2 friends who will engage in, yes, you guessed it - MORE SELF STYLED PHOTOGRAPHS.

7. Shopping and Food. We couldn't really do a lot because we were dead tired, but we did manage to get Souvenirs and stuff, while also visiting the local streets and shops. We were also lucky to view some neat Modified cars revving it up at the mall. Check the pics.

Finally, we reached our hotel and were chilling out when we remembered that we had to clear our hotel bill and leave by 5 in the morning. It was already 1 am, and the resort reception did not open till 10 am. Being the most sensible one, I came with an ingenious plan. As in the image below.

The Ingenious plan revolved around slipping this envelope with the money under the door of the reception, and hoping that the right person would get it. Also praying that we were not caught at the airport for attempted cheating. We mumbled around the reception, and tried a few knocks, and were about to make a run for it when, Tadaaaaah!!! the owner of the place comes out. A few Sob stories later (apparently my relatives were sick, BC's flight got cancelled, and DB did not know we had an emergency) we were out and cruising to the airport, readying ourselves for the next part of our trip.

In Singapore, we meet "THE MUMMY",  witness a mad bar argument on the streets, meet the Merlions, before one of us has a very very Bad night at the casino.

Malaysia Ahoy!!! - The South East Asia Trip Part 1

This year I was able to keep up a promise to myself to travel ever year to some place new and different. As much as I tried to present an international image by checking into foreign locales on Free WiFi, there's so much that happened, so many experiences, that I feel the need to document it. In case someone wants to make a movie on me or something. (Hey you never know)

Theres a lot of stuff, but I'll try to keep it as interesting and amusing as possible, which basically means I'll talk all about the shit the other three do. (Imma Good Boy)

Mandatory self Identification photo before trip

As a disclaimer, and to protect the identity of Debi, Bc and Vc I will refrain from naming the guys who came with me on this trip of *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* and all the food, sightseeing and entertainment.

I will also for the first time be able to put up videos of the trip, and that will be through my YouTube Channel which I will name shortly.

We started our trip from Bangalore where we flew to Kuala Lumpur, and then from there to Langkawi. This was followed by a 3 day jump to Singapore, and then to the Philippines where we went to Manila and Borocay.  Coron islands was also on the list, but typhoons made sure that our trip was cancelled. 

Through our the trip we've had miserable situations and brilliant come backs, and you won't believe me if I said we got detained in Immigration, walked in the middle of the ocean, got into Bar fights and more. And still got back safely, except for a little fever I caught due to exhaustion. 

So on departure from Bangalore, one of us was a first time traveler to foreign lands. This is the same guy who was considered as a beacon of good luck for anyone who wanted to travel abroad. Every person who has stayed with him (including me) has been posted "on site" (Software Engineering terms for getting posted in USA with normal Dollar salary but when it is converted to rupee I become rich and can buy a flat in Bangalore) or traveled abroad. 

He was as excited as a smoked up monkey in a room full of ripe bananas, and as soon as we boarded the plane I heard stuff like "Oh my God, look!!! More Humans" and "We are going out of the country!!! Do they know yet?" and of course "Shit, I've arrived in life". Of Course Debi, the veteran Package tour travel specialist was busy snoring so loud that the pilot had to check if everything was alright with the engines. And I was busy making up these jokes for the blog, so you know who's left right? 

It was a difficult flight majorly be cause the seats were uncomfortable. That's what happens when you put a XXL ass into a Economy seat. But enough about those guys. We slept and awoke and slept and awoke before I finally got some shut eye. 

I was rudely awoken to "OH MY GOD, Kuala Lumpur has lights!!!" and "Look at the runway, its better than our roads in Sarjapur" etc. just as we touched down in the LCC Terminal in Kuala Lumpur.

There are two things you should know about the KL Airport. For all you "Foreign country is amajing" this airport requires you to walk all the way to the terminal from the airplane. There are no Air conditioned buses awaiting to ferry your merry ass to the terminal. Also there must be some 160 odd spots for planes to land, so that basically meant I could watch HIMMATWALA and recover by the time I reached the Terminal.

Just a few of the Air Asia Jetliners

The other thing about LCC KL airport, is that its isn't an airport. Its actually the Air Asia Exhibition center. For miles and miles across all you will see, are Air Asia Planes. Trust me, every thing that flies there has an Air Asia tag. And pretty sure half the country works for them. Not that am complaining with all the air hostesses around. 

Anyways, once we were in we decided to hit the streets and visit the Petronas towers. You know, those twin towers that were once the tallest towers before Burj Al Arab came into being and Al-Halal-ed every other building on Planet Earth. Now the tricky part was we had 5 hours in which to reach this place and come back. 

So we took a convenient Bus (Air conditioned and with recliner seats) for the one hour journey to KL Central. From there we took a taxi (around 15 minutes) to the Petronas towers. It was closed, but we did get into the compound. 

The twins were just beautiful. You don't really get a sense of the size and how magnificent and powerful these structures really are, until you get your nose right up to it and look up. Just, Freaking Amazing. 

I was so caught up that I just didn't really make the max of my camera. Also, there were these huge flood lights right bang at eye level, so no matter how I tried I just kept getting this huge glare at the bottom of my screen. 

But trust me, It definitely looks far better at night than in the morning. The splendor of a fully lit Petronas must be something really worth taking in. Unfortunately for us, it wasn't one of those days.

Its moments like these that I want to abandon people

After a few...err...okay a lot of  "Me with Petronas, Me with Malaysia sign board" etc type photos, we decided to head back. On the way we made a quick detour to visit the National Mosque of Malaysia. It was beautiful but we didn't get any decent picture that would be worthy of its grandeur.

Also we were worried of missing our next flight to Langkawi.

Once back at the airport, we had to get used to the different ways the airport operates. Here you need to check in on the machines, and then go to the counters to drop off luggage, and then wait in the expansive lounge before walking across miles and miles to reach the airplane.

One thing which caught us off guard was the women cops at the security check. And they do check men as well. And they yell. LOUDLY. So we didn't know that "Belts" were also to be taken off before running under the scanner. So I had this lady cop YELL at me to take off my belt and come back. It wasn't a very "Shades of Grey" type scenario that I'd have fond memories of either. Lets just leave it at that.

In the next post, expect more of how we took Langkawi by storm, had Laksa, and almost ran away in the middle of the morning from our Hotel.

Cheers 

M