Travelling to Ladakh - Leh

I have always fancied myself as a traveler, explorer of the unknown and in search of adventure.

(OK, Stop Laughing)

Age of Destruction

Its that age
The Age of Destruction

With The Bible of Enthusiasm
You're Baptised by fire
One Day you will reach the moon
Till then you won't tire

You're neither here
and you're neither there
The world's your playground
and your stuck in a snare

You beat your arms to reach higher
While you sink, Quicksand all over
One moment your good, great
The next your spent and late

You think you have time
But in reality you don't
You juggle too many things
Hoping to make it count

And then,You Can't wait
Can't rewind
So you start pushing
Your tagged, and left behind

You regret what you have done
And more what you haven't
"Make your own future"
Life catches up

One moment in love
The next, married to someone else
Under the burden of expectations
from others and yourself

Too young to ignore
Too old to be carefree
You learn to be responsible
And yet yearn to be free

The Road has been tough
For the less troden path
Its Frustating cos theres no light
At each lampost you pass by

And yet we will go
In search of redemption
Its the age
The Age of Destruction.

M

Doubt

I Don't think you're right
I Don't want you to be
I Don't care if you are
Cos your nothing to me

Just get out
Outta my head
Go someplace else
Bleed, Bleed, Bleed, till your dead

I can't think straight
With you seducing me
I can open my eyes
But I still can't see

Now I know you, hate you
See you for what you are
I shall fight you, beat you
A scar for a scar

Don't come back
Don't come close
Enough is Enough
In my head you shall lose

I know you're not right
I don't want you to be
I Don't care if you are,
You''ll never get through to me.


M

The Stone

Early in the morning 

Dry, Dusty and forlorn

It was just moments ago

When she left for another stone

The time is approaching, soon

She'll come slowly by,

A lovely cooling stream at first,

and then go gushing by

She drowns me in her self

Giggling, Playful and full of life

Before she takes another turn

And is gone without a sight

That is the way she goes

Bending and touching every stone

Giving love and life to a creature

not capable of loving in return

She will not wait for me

There are many that wait ahead

"What do you have to offer" - she says

"You are but just a stone"

And so I wait, For her return

It his her nature. to move along

A stone I am, I do not doubt

But one that glistens the most,

When shes around.

It is now Twilight

Dry, Dusty and forlorn

It was just moments ago

When she left for another stone

M
(Written some time in 2010, found it in my drafts!!!)

Men

Over the years DM has hinted at regular Male Behaviour through its subtle posts. We spoke about the difference in Men and Women Drivers, why a book is better than a girl friend (for which we the womens lib army held us up \m/) and of course the How To clean room / Kitchen Series. We also suggested the way men relax in The Art of Meditation. However the fairer society doesn't seem to be getting the hint. (Though they can come up with a wide range of accusations, etc) So we came up with some stuff that could be helpful.


1. When guys are pissed, they want to be left alone. Do NOT ask the following Questions
     - How's my Hair
     - You don't love me anymore
     - (After 5 min) Are you ok now?
     - (After 10 min) Am Bored. Wanna go to a movie?

2. Men love Gadgets. And vice versa. Do Not mess with them.The Gadgets I mean.

3. Men evolved from apes. Apes are messy. So are men. Don't nag them to clean up. Won't help. EVER.

4. NEVER give directions to a guy driving/riding. Catch an auto if you know the way.

5. Magenta, Ruby Red, Scarlet, Sky Blue, Cyan, etc are beyond understanding. Stick to Rainbow definition of  colours.

6. Men instinctively are problem solvers. They look at everything thats not right as a problem. So if you say " I had a horrible day at work" you'll probably get a reply like " Why don't ya quit?"

7. Men are not very good listeners. Especially when your on one of those "she said to her friend, who is the sister of my uncles brother in law, and then they came to...blah blah blah" etc. You want them to listen, tell them before you start!!!

8. Defintiely not good at subtle hints. If your upset, please tell them why!!!

9. Cricket and Football are not to be messed with. Even if Ekta Kapoor is doing the acting in the 47,000th episode of a 5 year old serial on Whose finally going to marry Manav/Ritesh/Amit/etc

10. Men are numbskulls some times. They mess up and get things wrong. But that doesn't mean they don't know it. They're probabaly feeling bad about it and wanna make it up to you. Don't start a nagging riot!!!

Hope this helps!!! (If it doesn't., read again :P )

:)
M

How to Clean the Kitchen

After the oh - so - popular post on How To Clean Your Room , we are back with the next edition on cleanliness ( B-O-R-I-N-G)  for all you lazy Bachelors - "How to Clean the Kitchen"

We do want to warn you though, that if you are planning to get married in the near future, don't try this with the new cutlery. Won't go well with the missus / or the in law's for that matter. And you certainly don't want to let them catch you reading this, so read this like you would read porn. (You Randy Scoundrel, You!!!)

So here goes...

You know, Life's a Bitch.

Dear Maddy boy,

The first line we wrote in our diary, much before blogs, vlogs, and others was this...

"I don't know why am writing this."

6 years later we still don't know why. Guess going by that single point we haven't progressed much.

But on the contrary I have. I thought more, bothered more, cared more, loved more and lived more. I did what was morally right and socially acceptable. I kept myself last and pushed on in the hope that I would get the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I had it all figured out like Spock from Star Trek.

But I realize now that I was happier when I was a selfish, egoistic, moron who didn't give a shit. You made me change for what was supposed to be right. But was it right?

Your silly notions of right and wrong, good and bad, what ifs and maybes have led to exactly where you are now. And you and I both know that it sucks. BIG TIME.

Of Beaches, Babes and Beer - GOA!!!

Finally!!! After years of thirst and longing, on 8th April, via Kingfisher Red's wobbly ATR Flight Number 26 -sumthin-sumthin, we landed in the bloody hot paradise of Goa.

The Best part about Goa is, that the moment you land, you feel like drinking beer. Which is good of course, considering that you can buy beer/liquor at cheap prices in any place that has 2 shelves and a roof. That's what this place is all about, and that's what all the teenagers keep hoping to do in Goa.

The moment you land in the Airport, apart from the Cops and the Taxis wala's, everyone is dressed

Am better than you

In between the busy schedule of life (wait, is that an ad line?Shit!) I notice that we suffer from "One Upmanship". For some reason, we don't seem to be able to digest another person getting the better of us.

Lose a race? Well I was tired.

Your Best bud got better grades? They copied.

The new guy got promoted? The guys a ass kisser.... etc etc

I see day in and day out, that people who are on the receiving end of life (the good side of course) cannot stand the lesser fortunate ones getting even a shred of good fortune. They have to strip them and downplay their effort, if not in public forums, then at least in private spaces that are convenient enough for other to overhear. Thereby keeping their "I am perfect" image intact.

Its sad side of human nature, that in all our glory, we not only are unhappy with what we have, but are also interested in stealing from others and when we fail, to show others in bad light.

This incessant need to justify our failures and weaknesses by showing it as a product/fault of someone elses actions is the difference between good and bad , right and wrong, and happy and sad people.

At the end of the day, its all about "Am better than you".

I don't know if this is apt here, but I wanna quote :

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands in moments of challenge amid controversy."- Martin Luther King Jr.


M

The Tale of the Happy Day Driver

In my 4 years in Bangalore, I haven't once heard anyone praise the infamous autos that
terrorize the bumpy, metro stricken, Volvo clashing roads of the city. Being a patronizer of the few decent auto walas now and then, even I wouldn't expect good treatment from them.

It's a simple as being robbed. They over charge, won't drop you were you want to be dropped and keep cribbing all the way. If you don't know Kannada, then God save you.

I have also written about finding the right auto which will suggest that I have had my share of bad experiences.

However, on one fine day, walking the streets I found an alien driver. He not only got off his seat to usher me in, he smiled and wished me "happy day sir". Now my warning bells went off, naturally, that this chap is going to fleece me with the little English that he knew. It was also April 1st, so I kept looking over my shoulder for any suspicious looking vehicles following us around with the camera crew of MTV bakra.

Surprisingly, not only did he take me by the shortest route, his meter was perfect and he returned me every rupee of change. No awkward shuffling in his pocket and all the standard " no change sir" strategy. He also wished me "happy day" when I was getting off.

My curiosity got the better of me, and I corrected him saying that it was good morning and not happy day. He then proceeded to tell me that he was attending a leadership program (albeit a small one conducted by social welfare groups) where they taught English. His reason for saying happy day was that happy day was better than just good morning. If out of 10 passengers, 2 spoke to him about this "happy day" it made him happy and reduced his stress of having to drive from 9 to 9.






Think about that!!!

M



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

26 and Mourning

When I got out of the doctors clinic today, I realized that at 26, am set for an Early retirement from life.

He made it sound very simple, a smiling "don't worry this is nothing" nod as he explained RSI to me ( and it's common these days) but I just couldn't pay attention.

It wasn't just physical ailments now and then that were bugging me, but a sense that things were getting worse. Over the last 6 months, I developed a back problem, a knee injury that returned and now repetitive stress injury. Coupled with some emotional hiccups and heartache, I am in the worst shape of my life!!!

All this while I thought I could take it. I diverted my attention to work to block out everything else, but I missed all the signals my body was giving me. Tried to hold in and hide, and ended up more irritated and frustrated.

A couple of hours of star gazing, and I see that life is no longer the same as the energetic, basketball playing dreamer that existed 3 years ago. Instead a fat, broken, workaholic face stares at me in the mirror. I have done what I always thought I would, but at what cost? Why have I let go?

Things are going to change, and the bottom line is nothing can be done about it. Fate has a way of telling you that somethings are not for you, no matter how you try to convince yourself that you deserve it. And each time, it hurts.

Probably the last couple of months have been the nails in the coffin.

The 26 year old me mourns the me of yesteryears. Where do I go from here?

M

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

An Iphone, a Zoozoo and The Pug

(The Subject line of the blog is the subject of the mail I sent to Vodafone to get my point across)

Before I start, I need to let you know the background, so I don't sound like a 100% Grade 1 Bastard. Though I didnt get the choice of which subscriber I picked up with the I phone, My troubles began on Day 1, 2009

1. No one at Vodafone had a clue as to how the Internet was to be activated on the I phone. It took them a month to figure the right SMS. (understandable, being new device to India and all that)

2. My balances kept vanishing under the pretext of "user" charges.
3. A year of silence later, I finally am able to get the net services on the phone, after hours of talking to customer care.
4. The Terror of "Submit Documents" begins. (At this point, please note I have legitamately been using this number for 5 years) Every call, you get the "submit the documents" voice, Every day an SMS.
5. I walk into Vodafone, store give them the documents, and walk out.
6. Vodafone refuses to back down, attacks with more "submit Document" calls and SMS.
7. I walk into Vodafone, store give them the documents, and walk out.
8. Vodafone refuses to back down, attacks with more "submit Document" calls and SMS.
9. I fight through 100s of people, for hours and submit documents.
10. Vodafone is still doing the same ...submit documents. They further proceed to cut my caller id, incoming and outgoing on the day that MNP is introduced in Bangalore. Thereby forcing me to stick to them and their non service. They also refuse to respond to my mails to unlock the phone.

Finally, I get some mail ids on FB (Big Big People), and cross check on Linkedin, and proceed to send the following mail.


Hi,
Today, I really felt that I should write this mail to let you know a few things.
I have enjoyed your services over the last 5 years, first as Hutch and then as Vodafone, and recently as a satisfied I Phone customer.You had amazing offerings, and your services drew me to sticking on.The Cute Pug ad also played a big role in keeping me hooked to your brand.

However, recent treatment from Vodafone has made me feel that I have displeased your Pug and fallen in the eyes of the ZooZoos.

Apparently,fighting my way through hundreds of "happy" subscribers to submit address/photo documents in your store (that opens conveniently after 11am) is not enough. Even If I do it 3 times.

I don't have much choice when your "help" centre is busy attending other calls, or a pretty voice asks me to keep pressing numbers (while am bombarded with your recent caller tune campaigns) to reach the elusive human on the other end.

As a Marketing Professional, your "happy to help" campaign inspires me to write this mail, hoping to have either my calls and SMS restored, or my phone unlocked so as to switch the service provider.

In the entire scheme of things, am sure one subscriber does not have a big say, But I hope to have your help in either way.

 
 
Needless to say, the next day everything was back in place, and the day after that a nice gentleman came down to pick my documents and to submit them.
 
At the end, after everything, they did solve the problem, so I guess at least someone in Vodafone is happy to help!!!
 
Cheers
M

Villages and Cities, Rivers and Trees

I just got back from Home, a wonderful place that is untouched by the evils of society. By Evils I mean, Cellular Networks, E Mails and Facebook. And "Modernity" as we, the lesser souls of the city, know it.

Life in the Village is so different. It's as if the the Village itself is breathing. The rooster actually crows at sunrise, and you awake to trickles of sunlight shooting in through tiled roofs, to the smell of early morning dew and dust (not the city version) in the air, smell of fresh coffee brewing and the morning bath getting ready under burning wood.

Children walk/run to school, chattering about their pony tails and picking interesting stones. In the rare occasion that they do catch a bus, there's a broad smile when they climb it, because its a joy ride for them. A Cadbury Eclairs is a treasure to be savored on a right occasion and the sound of the school bell ringing in the end of class is the sign of freedom. Freedom to run through fields, over bridges, skipping over rivulets and staring at birds, all the way home.

Everyone smiles at everyone, and asks their welfare. Everyone helps everyone and there's never a task a couple of hands can't help you achieve. Old Men and Women tell tales of old, and the grand children run around in the courtyard playing tag. No Complicated Wii and No roller coaster rides that need safety belts to have fun in.

Rivers gurgle their way through the village, gently teasing the rocks and skipping under wooden bridges. Trees are massive skyscrappers, and its amazing what green does to your eyes. Large expanse of green and green, tall trees of areca nut rubbing shoulders with coconut palms , towering over mazes of banana plantations.

And as twilight sets in, flocks of birds settle in for the night in their cosy nests, singing goodnight to world around them. Oil Lamps come out on the "Tulsi" and Gates, and the temple bells ring loudly for the last prayer of the day, before the village goes off to sleep, under the beautiful watch of the twinkling stars.

Cities are just cement and rock. And its making the people in them, just as lifeless as themselves.

Home in the village is the only place I can sit and do Nothing, and still feel content in just being.

Cheers
M

What are you to do with dreams?

Dreams kill me. They really do. I mean its like living the whole thing and your thinking and running around and just doing things. Going through all those emotions and then you wake up. And your caught between being blown away and feeling stupid.

And how come you don't get dreams that make you laugh, like comedy dreams? Its either scary, or a thriller or a sad one or a completely crazy one. I had dreams where people from absolutely different places and time lines are pulled in to one.

Recently, I had a series (Check for dreams under the Dreamlog tab) of dreams all revolving around one single person and its like watching a TV Serial, just that its so real. The Series is still on.

If you do a quick Google search on meaning of dreams, you'll get tons of literature on dreams, a few porn sites and lots of horoscope stuff. But more or less they all point to one thing (Except the porn of course)- Your most inner thoughts and subconscious mind come together to show you what's really on your mind.

Fair Enough. So what then? React or realize or what?

At the end of it all, what do you do with them?!!!

M

100 Must Read Books

I suddenly awoke to my long time wish of reading. So some surfing later I arrived at three different sets of must read books. Namely

1. The BBC List 100
2. From the Affiliate Marketing Blog
3. D J McAdam's list

Some of the books are common, while the BBC List has more uncommon options. I don't suggest or recommend any of them particularly, but I liked the ones on the Affiliate Marketing Blog. So am re producing the same below

1. Plato, The Republic
2. Homer, The Odyssey
3. William Shakespeare - One really must read all of Shakespeare
4. Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights
5. Nathaniel Hawthorne, The House of the Seven Gables
6. Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
7. Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities
8. Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol
9. Wilkie Collins, The Woman in White. 
10. Owen Wister, The Virginian  
11. Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment
12. Franz Kafka, The Trial
13. Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises
14. James Joyce, Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
15. Mary Shelley, Frankenstein
16. Herman Melville, Moby Dick
17. Egar Allan Poe, Complete Short Stories
18. Ralph Waldo Emerson, Collected Essays
19. Henry David Thoreau, Walden. In my mind, Thoreau and Emerson should be read regularly by all Americans, but that's just one man's opinion.
20. J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
21. Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre
22. Arthur Conan Doyle, The Hound of the Baskervilles
23. Geoffrey Chaucer, The Canterbury Tales
24. Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
25. Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
26. Mark Twain, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
27. Hermann Hesse, The Glass Bead Game
28. Bram Stoker, Dracula
29. Jonathan Swift, Gulliver's Travels
30. Benjamin Franklin, Autobiography
31. Jack London, The Call of the Wild
32. Henry James, The American
33. Edith Wharton, Ethan Frome
34. Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness
35. Aldous Huxley, Brave New World
36. George Orwell, Animal Farm
37. Dashiell Hammett, The Maltese Falcon
38. Raymond Chandler, The Big Sleep
39. P. G. Wodehouse, Carry On, Jeeves
40. Jules Verne, A Journey to the Center of the Earth
41. Daniel Defoe, Robinson Crusoe
42. Robert Louis Stevenson, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
43. Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Idiot
44. Sherwood Anderson, Winesburg, Ohio
45. Henry James, Daisy Miller
46. E. W. Hornung, Raffles, The Amateur Cracksman
47. Henry James, Washington Square
48. James Boswell, The Life of Samuel Johnson
49. Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged. This is the book you must read, but you might want to read The Fountainhead first.
50. F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
51. John Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath
52. Hermann Hesse, Demian
53. Hermann Hesse, Steppenwolf
54. Albert Camus, The Stranger
55. Jack Kerouac, On the Road
56. Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace
57. Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
58. George Orwell, 1984
59. Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
60. Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass
61. Sun Tzu, The Art of War
62. Thomas Paine, Common Sense and Other Essays
63. Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
64. Erich Maria Remarque, All Quiet on the Western Front
65. St. Augustine, Confessions
66. Miguel de Cervantes, Don Quixote
67. W. Somerset Maugham, The Razor's Edge
68. H. G. Wells, The Time Machine
69. Aldo Leopold, A Sand County Almanac
70. Sun Tzu, The Art of War
71. Anne Rice, The Witching Hour  
72. Lee Child, Die Trying

Some more from the other lists...

  73.    Harper Lee, To Kill a Mocking Bird

  74.    Joseph Heller, Catch 22

  75.    Audrey Niffenegger,The Time Traveller’s Wife 

  76.    Charles Dickens, David Copperfield

  77.    CS Lewis, Chronicles of Narnia
  78.    Jane Austen, Emma
  79.    Jane Austenm Persuasion
  80.    Helen Fielding, Bridget Jones’s Diary
  81.    Salman Rushdie, Midnight’s Children
  82.    Aravind Adiga, The White Tiger

I hope to read these books in a manner that makes sense to me, and that I learn something from them. Not a wild chase to complete a list, actually.

Meanwhile, you might want to check out www.goodreads.com Nice stuff for book lovers. Arrange, review, find friends and all that.

Cheers
M

 

 

Straight from the heart

Though I may have managed to drag around to the other side of 25 on this Feb 14th, am very happy. For many reasons.

Am happy for the 150 odd wishes on FB, a dozen odd sms, 30 odd calls, 40 + personal wishes, some great surprises, lottsa cake,  a kid who couldn't get enough of jumping on my shoulders, 2 dear friends whom I dint meet in a loooooong time, 2 best buds who called me as usual in the middle of night to regale stories of times gone by, some old food, a dear friend ("giggle") who went a long way to make it a great day and gifts :)

Its moments that these that make me grateful for wonderful people around me. Though a lot of my buddies are going to get married soon, and probably life won't be the same as before, am hopeful that there will always be people around the corner that I can hug and feel at home.

Though there are many reasons to be unhappy, I think its time to put it all behind and enjoy each day as it comes. Or At least try to.

Life is wonderful sometimes.

M

Dreamlog - On French Island

Walking around the beach in the morning sun was as normal as it could get. But not for Ajay. He was on an island in France which was hardly the size of his college block, with his friend, on the invitation of the girl he loved and even more painfully her fiance. Which was what made it un-normal so to speak.

What made it strange was that he couldn't understand how there were grape vines growing out of the sea, what the hell his friend who had nothing to do with this part of his life,was doing there with him, and why there was an Indian style STD telephone booth in the middle of a beach in France.Through out this journey, he never once saw the face of the girl nor her fiance, but heard them throughout, talking to each other about things only two people in love could. He could only imagine of course.

He also got into an interaction with some Thailand natives, arguing about the size of the L shaped swimming pool in their home, which was tiled with colorful mosaic which looked more like a Lego collection.

At the end of it all, he woke up with a feeling of sadness and confusion.

P S  - Point to prove that "Ajay" has some wacky sixth sense(for the umpteenth time), "Ajay's Friend" sent "Ajay" a face book message asking him how he knew this "girl" in question on the same day in the afternoon.There are no coincidences in life.

***
Living a lie is a difficult task. Doing it everyday is emotional suicide.


M

Snakes and Ladders

Life is a game of snakes and ladders. Strategy doesn't work. Planning doesn't work. We're fools if we think that something we do is actually making things happen. Its not Chess, Its snakes and ladders. You throw the dice anyway you want but you can never predict all the numbers right.

Hope is what drives the throw of the dice, the dice is what drives the game. Sometimes up the ladders and others down by the snake.The snakes and ladders are already there, you'll keep falling and you'll keep climbing, but you'll keep throwing that dice till its over.

I'm beginning to loose patience with these board games.

M

( PS : Been to 99 and back. Again.)

Love. Farewell.Waterfall.

"I dont' know what to do with this heart...
I don't know what to do with this heart, babe." - thought in my head as I woke from 3 back to back dreams today.

(All three dreams narrated below. Probably won't make sense to reader, but it was overwhelming to me.)

***

It was her final goodbye, and Rajesh was tense. In his heart he had already said goodbye, but a final sight is all he wanted. They were gathered up in a room, and she was in getting ready to leave. For some odd reason he was seriously under dressed for the occasion with a vest and shorts, apart from playing football with a blue plastic ball on the terrace parking lot of a five star hotel.

As the moment came, she came out with her luggage and her friends from the room. He sat on the edge of the bed, awaiting his turn. As she came up to him, there was a smile on her face. Rajesh got up to give her a hug, but she pushed him away. She nodded her head in disapproval and laughed. And she left.

He ran to the terrace and kicked the ball from the top to the ground floor, and then ran all the way down. He took the parking ramp, jumping mid way on every ramp. As he searched for the ball at the bottom, he got into the lobby of the hotel, and promptly the hostess stopped him. She stared at him, and asked him to leave. He walked out knowing fully well that she dint know who he was, and it dint matter anyway.

***

Every one Max worked with, was at the party, strange that it was in his cousins new house. Amazing house that it was, right by the river and with an awesome full fledged bar at the bottom. Strange, he never knew his cousin drank anyway.

As everyone one was having a great time, he tried desperately to get her attention and it dint make sense as to what he was doing wrong. He'd never been this frank with anyone, let alone with a girl. The moment he had laid eyes on her he knew this was going to be awesome. It was as if he got this jigsaw piece that completed his puzzle. He tried everything to catch her attention, to show her that it would be good between them.

It seemed as if she didn't notice anything at all, as if Max was another face in the crowd, although a little fun.

***
The huge Niagara-ish falls was now clear behind the huge broken down fort. Folklore had it that if you felt true love, you could see a Stone Carved colourful Ganesh behind the waterfall. He stood there, at the edge staring at the falls, hoping to find something that made sense to him. His small guide had left him there for some time now.

All around some people stood, widely waving their arms at people, pointing excitedly to one another. Some just stared, some were happy and some left while others came. The roar of the water was deafening. All of a sudden he found a man with a camera calling out to him. He went to him and looked at the point he was pointing at.

There was mist all around. And in seconds his benefactor was gone.

And then he saw it. A beautiful Ganesh, right in the face of the falls. It was beautiful and was Huge. As the water crashed around, he could make out the eyes looking right at him.

As it started raining, he ran. He crossed the fields, he crossed the mud paths and the fort. It kept puring harder and he kept running.

***
M

Marketing Terminology Fundas

After the amazingly superb and ever popular posts on Sales Fundas and Business Jargons we are back with the World Famous in Bengalooru edition of the Marketing Terminology Fundas.

(Before you go ahead, be warned. Any connection with real life working scenarios in any organisation in any country on any planet is purely coincidental (HA!!!) and not a result of the author sharing his expertise with upper management of said organisation.)

So here we go...

4P's of marketing
They no longer the P's of marketing. They're probably the F's of the other departments that end with Marketing and marketing tries to mystify it.

Brand

Any logo/name/symbol Marketeers think Consumers will like and "relate" to. Like when you really really need to go, the toilet sign makes absolute sense to you, no matter what it looks like or reads.

Brand Manager
Under paid, over worked people in suits that make "Brand" a big thing and ensure no one knows what it means or is supposed to do. Including themselves.

Insight
The thought that comes to a "Brand Manager" before anyone else on that particular day.
For e.g Gobldegokkamopholy has 18 letters. This is an insight because I thought of it first.

Consumer Oriented Approach
There's No Such Thing

Market Research
The systematic gathering, recording, analyzing, and use of data to prove what you think is right, or what others think is wrong.

Brand Strategy
A Piece of paper which has the "Brand" repeated every 3rd word in CAPS.

Market Share
Dividing the market in enough ways to prove that in any one particular part your "brand" is the only brand that is being bought therefore 100% Market Share. For E.g In a market of one room, with one chair, with one person who has one foot, your "one leg shoe brand" has 100% share.

Target Consumers
A group of individuals whom collectively, are mentioned as the people who will buy your "Brand" on a power point presentation made by a "Brand Manager". This is of course proved by "Market Research"

Hope you had a learning experience!!! Coming soon are the HR and Finance Departments!!!

Cheers
M