Is this the phone 6 ?

Recently Samsung launched its eye-blink-scroll technique Samsung S4. I would have rather blinked my eyes for better benefits, but no ones listening. While you would have already seen the Phone 5 these phones don't really have something that will blow your mind. I mean big camera, lost of pixels, some fancy eye scroll thingy, thin design, the usual. That's what every one does.

But let me know introduce to you the most awesomest technology masterpiece ever. I have a friend who has a friend who's aunt's cousins sister-in-laws third brother's grandfathers daughters veterinarian has a guy who (once cleaned his car) knows this truck driver that happened to park in front of the Appl Store and overheard something about Eye 6. So this is totally reliable proof of the existence of this device. (By Chinese standards)

Now that we have the reliability of this information out of the way let me give you a quick peep into the features of this beauty, code named Project BJ

Measuring a mere 7.6 mm thick (About 3 cupboards smaller than the first telephone) this device has a Retina Display that is about 2000 pixels per inch. Your photos will never look so much brighter, the micro scars from the black head you squeezed out a month ago ever so clear again. Also included is the Large Screen that measures 4 inches but it looks like 10 inches when held next to a mirror. There is an inbuilt app that enables you to mirror the image in the mirror, so your screen is actually infinitely large. So it depends on how big your mirror actually is. (You can also choose to buy the iMirror at the online store)

The Processor is a 1.7 Ghz dual core processor that is super fast. Playing Temple Run (Part 21) and Angry Birds - Part 7-but-still-throwing-birds-at-pigswill never be the same.  It comes with the latest 6G LTE built in, so you can experience internet like never before (Actually it never will be like before as we always ensure that we have technology thats better and faster than your country carrier can ever provide you, and when they do, we'd already be on 27G or something. Awesome, no?)

On the back of the iPhone we have an AMAZING 12 mega pixel Camera Holder for our awesome iCamera (sold separately). We believe that you need a truly amazing camera experience, and we have created a unique device that can beat even the best DSLR's in the market. (Head over to our store now!!!)

But the beauty of this device is in the iOS. Introducing Version 7. Siri now has options for Sheela, Munni, Lola Kutty, Chandler, Yoko, MJ and also Grumpy Cat. Twitter has been integrated in, so no matter what you are doing, the twitter app posts a tweet on your behalf. It's so smart, you don't even have to tell it what to tweet. It picks up your location, labels it as per the frequency of your visit, the microphone picks up the sound and then posts it as per the number of times you touched the phone. (Imagine never having to type a tweet from the Loo!!!)

Some unique features include

1. Close your eyes when you sleep. When you open them, the screen will already be on!!!
2. It detects when you are out of your regular network coverage and completely shuts down all cellular data, saving you millions in telephone bills
3. App Store - We've been counting on this since the first iPhone. Like 6 years ago. Still will for the next few. We are that consistent.
4. iCloud - Sync your apple devices to the cloud and have your ipad, ipad mini, ipad micro, itouch, ifeel, ipod, iwatch, ifridge, imac, ipack, isofa, i.... AND HAVE ALL THE SAME STUFF ON IT. EVERY TIME.  LIKE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Awesome, no?
5. Customizable screens - You can now move around your apps all over the screen!!! In different formations of 4*4, 4*4 and 4*4!!!

More than 76,003 features and updates included. It's available in 16GB, 32GB and 64GB. (Please note, iOS takes up about 15.8 GB)

All this awesomeness, at a price of just 2 kidneys and one spleen. Special offers running now where you can pay with one kidney, and installments of 5 fingers / Toes / Eyeballs / Liver every month.

Grab it now. It's the best thing that happened to IPhone since the Industrial Revolution.

Follow up post coming soon.

Cheers
M

Shakespeare makes an entry

Over tea and samosas, he told me to read this verse from Shakespeare. I almost choked on the tea, but managed to keep the samosas in. Not that the samosas or any food had anything to fear once I had'em. Samosas are great way to spend evenings, and that too with that spicy chutney. And those Kachori's with hot tea and warm Jaleb.......wait.

Shakespeare. Yes.

So he told me to read this verse and get back to him with my interpretation of the same. Now I know the conversation we had bordered on past and previous and current endeavors of a romantic kind, but Shakespeare? Seriously? Me? I would have thought a man to man talk would suggest a movie-thon of blood spilling, weapon totting, forest burning, action heroes in dark raining locales. But this was new, and he insisted. And yes, he is the well read types, and yes he is my friend. Yes, I have all sort of friends. No, I can't give you M S Dhoni's phone number.

So when I did this search, this is what came up: (Please don't roll you eyes, even If you don't want to read. Just read the highlighted lines!!! See how much I care for your readership?!)

The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest: it becomes
The thronéd monarch better than his crown;
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;
But mercy is above this sceptred sway;
It is enthronéd in the hearts of kings,
It is an attribute to God himself;
And earthly power doth then show likest God's
When mercy seasons justice. Therefore, Jew,
Though justice be thy plea, consider this,
That, in the course of justice, none of us
Should see salvation: we do pray for mercy;
And that same prayer doth teach us all to render
The deeds of mercy. I have spoke thus much
To mitigate the justice of thy plea;
Which if thou follow, this strict court of Venice
Must needs give sentence 'gainst the merchant there.

—Act IV, sc. i

OK, so now this verse is from the "Merchant of Venice" and this particular verse is also called Portia's speech. I read an abridged version in school and to sum it up - This babe gets in court and saves her boyfriend by telling the merchant he can take a pound of flesh (as agreed in the bond between aforementioned Boyfriend) but not a pound of blood. (Smart, no?) But not before making a plea of mercy.

Of Course, the Merchant was bitch-lawyered. You can read the long, winding explanation on Google.

So where do I fit in?

No, No, I haven't signed a bond for flesh. And I don't have a girlfriend doing bargains for my blood (lots that I have) 

You will agree with me, that when we don't get what we want, when we are treated badly by close friends, when you don't get that job, when Apple screws you with no OS updates for old I phones, we go two ways. One, We get angry and jump around (of the Angry Birds ishtyle), scream & throw tantrums and then shut up. Two, we scheme for revenge.You want to Kolaveri-di their asses to hell-u. *smirk* . It then proceeds-u to get messy-u, bitter-u and blood-u all around. No one wins-u. Everyone looses-u. 

Not one to be left behind, I tried. I tried getting angry and jumping around (not easy at 100+ kilos) screaming (thank you sore throat) and shutting up. Dint help. I tried scheming for revenge, the farthest I could go was to not open the door or maybe drop a call. Not very helpful, must say. I care too much.

Anyways, bottom line. Sooner or later, things move on. And living in limbo is more painful. We were discussing the way forward (ugh I hate that power point slide title) it seemed to my friend that things could get brutal. He's been around for quite a while you see, and he's known me for 5 years now. He's got a front narration of the previous scripts, so, yeah. 

So hence his gentle reminder that, you don't need to cut open a vein to sort things out. You can do it graciously, you can do it mercifully, and not load your prejudices and sarcasm tipped arrows at the target. After all, as a friend, being there through thick and thin, is applicable to oneself as well. So, you can walk away with your head held high and not get influenced by choices others make. You can still make it your choice. 

And so...

"The quality of mercy is not strain'd,..."

M

The Coffee Shop Characters

The following post is a work of fiction.Any resemblance to you, your friends or relatives is purely tough luck. Nonetheless, if you feel offended you can sue the Coffee Shop.

Characters you'll meet at random coffee Shop:

1. The Regulars: This one comes into the coffee shop as if he owns the place. He'll nod his head at the cashier as if they actually know him, and won't place his order until they ask him. He'll smile and joke with the staff, and look at all the women as if they were in his Harlem. Eventually, he'll walk out waving at the staff, who are totally confused.

The iphone review

   

Ahem!!!

I thought since its been a looong time gone, I'd warm up by writing a tiny review on the i phone, which my company has awarded me for being the laziest bum in 2008.

Well the phone ranks high on awe value. It is the most beautiful phone I have seen, in terms of clean edges, non protuding side keys, and almost non existent keypad. 

The whole caboodle starts of with your gsm sim card, after which you have to download the itunes software from the net. Install the set up and connect your iphone, and viola the whole thing starts and comes to life. 

However the real fun begins now. In order for your to download "FREE" applications from itunes (mine not being a jailbreaked/hacked phone yet) you need to register to the itune store...WITH YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER!!!

Being a non engineer and anti online trust that I have in these things, I refused to register, only to bow down to the mighty itune application registration form the next day;after the imagine store confirmed that you need to register even for the free stuff!!!

Anyway...for some reason Vodafone guys dont seem to know what they are doing, while the stor tells me to send some crazy messages, which the server responds to by sending me a message in return; the call centre doesnt even know some thing call iphone activation exists!!!

So in all am not able to use the GPRS/EDGE/Internet facility these guys use yet, which again is a vital component to enjoy the i phone features completley. 

As known the blue tooth sucks bigtime, as does the non message forwardability. Camera is decent, music is ipod standard, video playback is good too.

But the best part is the pure pleasure in touching the huge screen adn flipping it around. The games are cool, with having to turn the phone around to use it as a steering.

Well overall, looking at it in a neutral view I'd say its a pretty slick phone, feels good to have it in your hand...apart from the fact it costs 30k!!!

:)