TSB 8 Of "Kylo" and "The Hindu newspaper"

Previous Post in the series TSB 7 Booth Tales

Soon after the Booth closed down, It was back to the same old routine. Its interesting to see that help comes from people you least expect, and you meet so many interesting characters when we bother to open our eyes and see things apart from whats obvious.You realize that we've missed out on a large part of life because of our infatuation with "our" world. Which is like looking into a mirror all the time, and forgetting the part thats not visible in the mirror.

TSB 7 Booth Tales

Previous post in the series TSB 6 Of the Road

The Telephone booth Job was basically a distraction from turmoil. I got the job through a friend who worked as a Bus conductor in the bus that I used to take up and down from when I visited home. A year ago, I would not have dreamed of something on these lines. But life has a way of teaching you lessons in different ways.

TSB 6 Of the Road

Previous post in the series TSB 5 Days Going On

While my work started at around 5.30 or 6.0 pm, I ensured that I didn't lounge around in the campus. At the slightest indication of the end of day, I  headed right to my temple of solace, which in this case was an actual temple.

Walking down that particular road was always painful. But it didn't matter anymore, as to me, I didn't matter anymore.

TSB5 Days going on

Its a strange feeling 

To feel free and yet feel guilty.

To feel scared and yet have faith.

To hope against hope, when all seems lost.

Lost as I was, I was beginning to become braver by the day. I wanted to punish myself, and wanted to just disappear. I wanted to avoid classes just to avoid the misery of facing the famous four. It had been some time now that I had been "delivered" from their hands, given the final punishment so to speak. 

This particular day, I went to college only to find Pretty woman in her element. She was distributing chocolates, and obviously my ego, already vaporised, had nothing left in it to even face her. The moment I went it and saw those foil rapped confectionery, I turned around and went right out. At the moment it dint matter if somebody noticed, or if she noticed or whatever. The objective was to keep a low profile and avoid doing anything conspicuous. As that would immediately bring the attention of the Famous four, (Murali, Somesh, Mohan and another) who wouldn't have a chance in hell to humiliate and rubbish me.

Realising that I dint have the heart to attend any more classes, I went to the nearby pool (the board version!) to play a round of 9 ball. A year ago this would have been a sin for me, but its surprising how times change a man...err a guy. So after loosing  90 bucks and still feeling better than at college, I moved on to work.

To avoid meeting the famous guys after college and to earn a bit,I had joined an after college part time job, in a telephone booth. It belonged to a friend of mine, and while the guy drove his auto rickshaw around in the night, I manned barracks from 5pm to 10pm. In the night he dropped me back, or I walked a mile to reach home. The days I spent at the booth were the days I learnt humility and courage. To look for hope in times when your friends had turned foes, and to believe in a higher being when every corner held a terror.

Cheers!!!

MadDy

TSB 4 October 26th

Diary Reads

" It was a holiday today. Some strike by the students wing. So I decided that the best thing I can do with my lonesome self was  watch some movies. It was a strange coincidence that the day was also PW's birthday. Something I had strangely forgotten for the first and the last time of my life.

I watched Ssssh and Sakshi, strangely again both the heroines had the same names as PW. Then too it didnt strike me, that it was her birthday. But now that I remember it pains. The giggling, the staring and all the ease with which she phoo phooed the attention she used to get. 

Sometimes I wonder what she used to think of me, one of those strange idiosyncrasies of depressed lovers! Maybe she thought I was a clown or some kind of psychopath. Only my roomies knew how I was crazy for her, but those were the days of the past. I feel like a sissy, writing a diary and all, but God knows how this little book has saved me many a day of grief.

Sigh. Its strange!! I forgot her bday!!! Ha. Well at least I can look forward to change. Theirs no news about the job yet. Hope it come across soon. I cant bear to stay in the presence of Murali, thank God he comes so rarely. I hope this book remains my secret, I shudder to think of it falling in the wrong hands. I make sure I lock it in my suitcase every day. Ha Someday the diary might become a novel!!!

College tomorrow. Another day of misery. Goodnight buddy"

TSB 3 A lesson in kindness

Every morning I used to wake up, only to hope that I would be alone in my room. That I could have the peaceful beginning to the morning. There were three of us sharing the room, and as usual and luckily for mr Murali wouldnt be home the previous night.

As the early morning chill wafted in through the windows, I could hear the kids getting ready for school in my neighbours place. The Kannada daily would be at our doorstep, and I'd read it like there was nothing better I could do at that point of time, scanning the papers for a part time job. A part time job that would take away the extra hours of my life which I spent after college, listening and bearing constant rebukes and taunts from people I had once considered my own.

As luck would have it, I couldnt find any job. After a quick blast from the icy cold shower, I'd grab a bite and leave for college, deliberately timed to reach exactly a minute after the first hour bell would ring. I would sit at the last bench, silently ignoring the snickers and jibes. I spent all the intervals rushing to the library, scanning for imaginary books and pretending to have become studious. In the rare event I did speak to someone, it would be the guys from the front benches, the nerds as I had once termed them. They were completley oblivious to the circumstances I was in

I realized in such times that these nerds were also people. People with feelings. I realized how it felt to be singled out. We never mingled with the front benchers. But as I spoke to them with a faint hope of forgiveness from a higher authority, I knew my eyes were opened to all the people around me, and all my prejudices were leaving me.

One of my conversations was a real eye opener

Raesh ( a nice chap, although a bit over the top for examination preparation) : Hi, how come your in the library?

Me: Well I was searching for Business studies by Raghuram(I was bluffing. I never heard of a Raghuram, and I hardly knew if I had business studies that sem)

Ramesh: Oh, Is that in our syllabus?

Me: I wanted some general information. And are you searching for something

Ramesh: Ya I came to borrow some extra books, for last years paper reports. I have some prep Questions, you can have them if you like

It wasn't the first time a front bencher had offered help. They always did. I had considered it a desperate plea from them to be accepted as part of the more regular crowd. 

Me : uh, I don know. I hardly prepare so early. Maybe you should carry on.

Ramesh : Ya sure. I'll catch ya around

I burried my head into the magazines in front of me, avoiding all eye contact with anyone around. A few minute later Raghu was back.

Ramesh : Hey here take this...(he handed me a book, and believe me it was a Business Studies text book, written by Raghuram!!!)

Me: Hey, where did you find it? (was all I could mumble, shocked that there even was such a book)

Ramesh: Well it was in the aisle next to the history section. Guess it was misplaced.

Me : Gee thanks. 

Ramesh : No big deal. And here are the prep questions, I got an extra copy. Keep them in case you might need them.

Me: Uh Okay. 

I took in how Ramesh was at that moment. Coming from a poor background, he was struggling to get a scholarship that would take care of his education. He had a chappal on, a neatly pressed yellow shirt which wasnt tucked in to his dark brown pant. A combination enough to make him a butt of many a joke. 

His hair shone brightly, the crop was flat with oil splashed on in generous quanitites.

Just then, the Librarian turned up behind him. 

Librarian : "Ramesh!!! Were are the books you borrowed last week? You havent even paid up the late fees for the outstanding books. Plus you put another book on your tab today? I am stopping all your books today, until you return the books and pay up your dues."

Ramesh: Sir, please. I will pay up in a week. Sir Please dont stop my book loans. I cant get through my exams withought it.

Librarian: No. I need the fees today. Else you can give back the books. You will also take any more books on payment, till you return the books you borrowed.

Ramesh was on the verge of tears. I didnt want to interfere.

Ramesh: Sir please. I will pay what I have now. And return the books in a week. I need to copy some more pages.

Librarian: No. The money today and the books tommorrow. Else you can meet the principal and sort the issue.

Ramesh was now in sobs. He pulled out his pocket notepad. In between those soiled pages, was a carefully folded ten rupee note. Most probably his lunch money. He handed them to the librarian, who entered it in his book register. He handed him a two rupee coin back.

Ramesh: Sir I have borrowed one more book. Please let me have it for today.

Librarian: Am sorry Ramesh. But I cant do that. Please get the pending books tommorrow. And you can borrow any book tommorrow. Else pay up now for the book you want to have.

By now I was bored of this conversation. I had enough to think about than worry about Ramesh and his problems. I went back to my magazine. In a few minutes I saw Ramesh leave, his chappals slapping across the floor tiles.

It was almost time to leave. I picked up the book Ramesh had given me and walked over to register it. The Librarian gave me a look that resembled that of an alien. I was somewhat of an alien to this archive of books. I ignored him as I picked up the register.

I searched for book's reference card but it was already removed. I checked with the Librarian. He went in to check if the reference card and indeed been registered already.

I turned the pages lazily, and saw Ramesh's account. It had dues to the tune of almost every book for that semester. I always thought these guys were nerds, but It became clear to me that It wasn't extra books they wanted. They just couldnt afford their own copies. Every mad dash to the Library was their effort at securing a book for themselves, out of the limited copies. It was their only hope of being able to cope. As I scrolled down, I saw "Business Studies- Raghuram"

scribbled. He mus have taken a copy for himself, hearing about it from me.

The Librarian came out- "Fancy that! The book has been registered in your name!"

Ramesh had registered the book in my name. He got the book for me. 

It took some time to sink in.

I thought of the Innumerous times Ramesh must of felt the pang of having to return a book to the library when the exams were around the corner. He'd just copy the entire book by hand, because he couldnt afford a photo copy. And he'd never want someone to feel what he felt. So he never took the book from me. He just paid up whatever he had left so that I, a no good useless fellow, who hardly knew such a book existed could have the peace of "studying" without any hassels.

I walked out as fast as I could. The tears were running now. I wasnt sure if it were for Raghu's kindness or for my stupidity. I was bearing a cross which wasnt mine to bear, but in the process I was realizing how blind and naive I was, and the extent of the ignorance my ego had brought upon me.

TSB 2 23 Nov

Diary reads 23 Nov

" Hi. Wanted to go to a movie with Danny today, But cancelled it as it was all Stupid movies. As soon as class was over I went to the Library as soon as I got a break. Then went home. Lunch.Slept. Saw some Kannda movie on TV. I dont think I can go to any fest this semester. My relationship with "him" is still flat. Well its good in one way. Either talk or dont talk. Being in the middle is only a larger problem. Nothing much to do these days. I just asked myself. at this stage of my life, was there anyone left on myside, whom I could depend on. The answer was too difficult to hear. Raju sir seems to be ignoring me these days along with our Garden project. Guess he too feels good riddance.

I miss Roshan. Things were good when he was around. Being a senior is not easy. If what I did was so bad, then I will suffer more. But I know I did not. I just retaliated. Forget it. A Man reaps the seeds he sows. So far I am okay with Somesh. Time to sleep. Goodnight."

NOTE: Dear readers, The Story Book 2 is a look into the future and theres a gap in between Book 1 and Book 2. The "in betweens" shall be revealed in Book 3. Thanks!!!

THE STORY BOOK 2 Chapter 1(TSB 1)

Diary Reads 21 Nov

"Even to write the first page in my diary, I am having mixed feelings. But I have nothing left and this my hope. According to my horoscope, everything will improve from the month of November but nothing seems to be happening. I am happy that I have no guilt in my heart, but there's this constant fear of doing something wrong, a fear that something will happen to my parents. Today was akka's (cousin sister) marriage. I went. Guess Dad will have to shell out some money.

I did not get the job in the Phone booth yet. However I am still trying for it. Am absolutely confused about my future. MBA? CA? or to Join Dad. The business has been quite dull. Dad doesn't listen to anything I say. So much of monetary constraints. Sahdev anna(elder cousin brother) is so cool. Did his diploma, then his engineering and next an international MBA. He's just so dynamic, something I always thought I'd become.

I don't know if I will ever become something. Just turning out to be a looser. I read something about potential tapping. Guess that's all I can do now. How did it all come to this...

Going for supper. Nothing more to write. Goodnight."